tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44855704937453334302024-03-13T18:07:47.893-04:00Backs of People's Heads and Baby Faces- Katie O'Keefe's random musings from the choir loftAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.comBlogger333125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-10886818867103516642016-12-02T16:42:00.000-05:002016-12-02T16:42:18.980-05:00Professionalism and Perfectionism<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-85bjBqeIHD4/WEHotnXVqeI/AAAAAAAAGuU/KI8U68j3sRscWkCtehEQOvMFJdNLdYM2QCLcB/s1600/Mistakes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-85bjBqeIHD4/WEHotnXVqeI/AAAAAAAAGuU/KI8U68j3sRscWkCtehEQOvMFJdNLdYM2QCLcB/s320/Mistakes.jpg" width="207" /></a></div>
I love to learn new things. I love to dig into something I don't know about, wrestle with it, defeat it and claim victory with my proverbial foot to its proverbial neck. I live in a world of ideas and possibilities, so it's only reasonable that I should want to explore all I can.<br />
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The problem is that I also hate making mistakes.<br />
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I am not sure how someone so enamored with learning can be such a chicken-shit when it comes to messing up. As a matter of fact, I don't dance, not because I can't, but because I don't do it well. I don't play checkers with my husband, not because I can't play, but because he <b>always</b> beats me. I don't play keyboard, not because I can't read music, but because I don't play well (especially the left hand) so I simply don't do it.<br />
<br />
The few times that I have jumped into playing organ as a music director, the results were less than perfect. In fact, far less than perfect. I developed my own way of doing things, so that most people have no idea I can't play, but those who know, <i>really </i>know. My poor pastor was a real organist -- music degree and all. I am sure I made his ears bleed. Sorry, Father.<br />
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Recently, however, it's been even worse. As I age, I get more risk-averse. I don't want to offend or be embarrassed, so I step back from things that a younger Katie would have been all over. Everything from new techniques to new technology has fallen under this "I'm-too-old-for-that" umbrella.<br />
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But, in order to grow, one must be willing to fail. And when one stops growing, one begins to calcify. Calcification is the end of growth. I struggle with this all the time and I am not willing to give up on growing just yet.<br />
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I have started many projects that I simply give up on because they might not be good enough. I have written (or at least started) blog posts that might have had an impact on someone's life, but I have bitten back the words lest they offend or embarrass me.<br />
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At work, I have been dragging my feet on a project that I need to get done because I'm afraid I won't do it right and I will embarrass myself or cause delay. And that's a problem, because by dragging my feet, I am already causing delay.<br />
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Perfectionism --whence comes the idea that if I can't do it perfectly, I should not even try --is starting to hold me back again and is keeping me from Professionalism.<br />
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In a Facebook post today, I defined Professionalism as "knowing what you're doing" and characterized myself as an inexperienced professional. A friend wisely responded (without telling me I was wrong) that Professionalism is doing your best and taking feedback gracefully so that you can do it better the next time. Another friend asked, "What is the worst that could happen if you make a mistake?" Well, no one would die. Really, nothing would happen. I'd just have to fix it.<br />
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Once upon a time, I had a choir director who told me, "There is no perfection this side of Heaven. There is only our best." She was right (she usually is).<br />
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I realized at some point this afternoon that to give in to this hunger for perfectionism is also to give into to Pride. It's Pride that makes us want to seem like we have it all together and are never humbled by our weaknesses. Yet, only through humility do we get to see that Heavenly Perfection in its fullness. So, once again, I have to hold my nose and jump into this head first in the glorious pursuit of humility because only through realizing our lack can we find the pieces that fit those holes.<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-58352213644863764982016-11-28T15:48:00.001-05:002016-11-28T15:48:17.649-05:00What Happens When It's YOUR Campus?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/90/Orton_Hall%2C_The_Ohio_State_University_(Columbus%2C_Ohio).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/90/Orton_Hall%2C_The_Ohio_State_University_(Columbus%2C_Ohio).jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Orton Hall on the campus of The Ohio State University</td></tr>
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<br />
I had made up my mind right after prayers this morning. I was going to write about the Mother of the Eucharist. But I got a text from the Campus Public Safety Department at about 10 AM telling me <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/28/us/active-shooter-ohio-state-university.html?_r=0" target="_blank">there was an active shooter on my campus</a>.<br />
<br />
My blood froze. I was suddenly very afraid even though I was not on campus today. I was afraid for all my friends and colleagues on campus, the students, the people who go through the campus area each day... this was my community!<br />
<br />
I grew up so close to campus that I could hear the Horseshoe explode with sound every time the Buckeyes made a Touchdown or a good play. I could hear The Band (and, yes, they are The Best Damn Band In The Land) practice as I raked leaves in the Fall. I spent all the time I could "on campus" as a teenager, competing in music contests, attending recruiting events, hanging out in the cool shops and restaurants all along High Street. And now, I work here.<br />
<br />
The Ohio State University is my campus.<br />
<br />
When you work in higher ed, there is always a little part of your brain that is prepared for a threat. I used to worry about it at Ohio Dominican. I had a plan for defense in both of the offices where I worked. But I worried about it much more at Ohio State - bigger campus, bigger population, more visible, more opportunity. I just never really thought it would actually happen in Columbus.<br />
<br />
I can't get into too many specifics here regarding what has happened and how it all rolled out. Facts are still being confirmed in the case. I do want to unpack it, though, because it's so surreal. Things like this don't happen in Columbus, Ohio. Despite the growing population, this remains an affable and charming little city. It's really a small town that got a bit too big for its britches.<br />
<br />
My husband and I can both trace our family history in this area all the way back to the mid-1800s (mine can actually be traced back to 1802.) When we married, we sent out 500 invitations --not because we thought we were so important, but because our parents and grandparents had friends who still wanted to be there. We joked that the half of the city that I was not related to, he was. Truly, until I was in my mid-30s I could not walk down the street in Downtown Columbus and not see someone I knew, greeting them with a wave and a smile.<br />
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And then there's the University. Columbus is home to 52 higher ed institutions, second only to the Boston area in the United States, but only one is "The Campus" and that's Ohio State. The North end of our city revolves around it. Grad students, professors, and staff live in the neighborhoods that touch campus, like my native neighborhood of Clintonville. People come from all over the world to attend and work at Ohio State. This makes our campus community a diverse population of people hungry for knowledge and anxious to make their mark with world-class research. Regardless of professional differences and ambitions that come into play anywhere you go, the campus community is also friendly and warm. The natives (like me) welcome them warmly and offer any help we can to make them feel at home. They return the favor by introducing us to their rich cultural heritage and helping us to see things through a lens that is not German/Irish-American and Midwestern.<br />
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Hospitality, then, is a specific gift of my hometown. There is a genuineness in the smile and the "How are you?" of a Columbus native. They actually aren't looking for the answer, "Fine." but <b>really </b>want to know how you are.<br />
<br />
They listen. They make up their own minds, but they listen to other opinions. It is said that when the Suffragettes came through Ohio campaigning for women's votes, the men listened to them so carefully and politely that they thought that they'd pass the legislation for sure. They didn't, but they didn't throw rotten fruit at them either.<br />
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They defend your right to be "wrong". I have been at demonstrations and protests were the opposing sides went out for coffee after the protest.<br />
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So how did this happen here? I have no answers other than to say that this is a fallen world and we are a fallen, broken people who needs the healing mercy of Jesus Christ.<br />
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I am so sad for my city, for my campus, and for my community. My heart is breaking into a thousand pieces over this. There will be a guarded calm that settles over us, I imagine. Right now, it's just shock and sadness. Moving forward, there will be a twinge of mistrust, an uncertainty, a lack of confidence in the goodness of humanity. The friendly nature of our community has been wounded. These are things that I have already seen beginning to sprout in the garden of my hometown in this past couple of months.<br />
<br />
This isn't new, but this act will confirm it. I want these weeds uprooted not watered.<br />
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<i>(c) 2016 Katie O'Keefe. All Rights Reserved.</i><br />
<i>Photo Credit: By Nheyob (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons</i><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-12675098479354995102016-10-26T00:12:00.000-04:002016-10-26T00:20:06.791-04:00Socrates, Crito, and the 2016 Election<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UY8jPatygVs/WBAkZlxQPnI/AAAAAAAAGfg/zXYJrSsJ96gHIaJ4DFZOlL4aCJuR_7E9QCLcB/s1600/DavidDeathOfSocrates.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UY8jPatygVs/WBAkZlxQPnI/AAAAAAAAGfg/zXYJrSsJ96gHIaJ4DFZOlL4aCJuR_7E9QCLcB/s400/DavidDeathOfSocrates.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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One of my favorite things about Philosophy is how evergreen it is. It's amazing to me that something that was written in 350 BC can be so very relevant to what we do every day, but I guess that's the entire point of the philosophical adventure --getting to the heart of what makes us human. And when we find that heart, it's really no surprise that humanity hasn't changed much.<br />
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There has been a great deal of talk about not voting for a presidential candidate in the upcoming presidential election, and, instead, voting down ticket. This is even something that I have toyed with, though I have made no firm statements about what I intend to do. Each of us must vote our own conscience. I only offer these posts as a check to you and to myself --are you sure you know what you are voting for and what that will mean if carried to its logical conclusion?<br />
<br />
So, the question this week is: Should Catholics participate in this election fully? I think that the answer to that question is an emphatic and undeniable, "Yes!"<br />
<br />
Plato's work, <i><a href="https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/p/plato/p71cro/" target="_blank">Crito</a></i>, falls in the life of Socrates, after he is convicted (<i>Apology</i>) of corrupting the youth of Athens and before he is executed (<i>Phaedo</i>). Crito is named for Socrates' interlocutor for this dialogue. A close family friend (a member of his <i>deme</i>) who is a man of means and has connections, Crito has shown up at Socrates' cell just before dawn to break him out and spirit him away before he can be executed. He has bribed the guards and has arranged for Socrates to be taken to another city to live out his days in peace. Socrates, who is an old man of 70, turns Crito down.<br />
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Scholars have argued over the intervening centuries as to why Socrates wouldn't go with Crito --some say that it is because he was old and tired of the fight, but most agree that it is to prove a point that the Athenians got what they wanted, (but not what they needed,) by executing him.<br />
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In the course of the dialogue, Socrates gives his reasons for staying. First, that by leaving, he would do harm to his reputation as a philosopher. He would be branded as a coward, or worse, as a dishonest man. He had spent his life trying to get the Athenians to govern themselves, personally and politically, with wisdom and to be the same man in public as each was in private. To be one man in private and another in public was, to Socrates, dishonest and did not move one closer to living the best life (which is what ethics is all about). By eliminating his voice, the Athenians might sleep more soundly in the short term and not have to give adequate thought to the laws and governance of the city, but in the long-term that inattention to wisdom will ultimately be their undoing. This is a "prophecy" that Socrates makes in the <i>Apology</i>, but he reiterates it here in the <i>Crito</i>. This, however, is not the argument he spends the most time on.<br />
<br />
The argument I really want to focus on is that Socrates tells Crito that he has been a citizen of Athens from his birth and as such, he had taken advantage of the protections of the laws of Athens. Though Socrates has not participated actively in the political life of his city-state, he has benefited from the stability of the political life and the laws that govern him. Plato spends a great deal of time in this dialogue working through a soliloquy that is an imagined dialogue between Socrates and the Laws of Athens. This argument is a two-fold warning for us here in 2016.<br />
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First, Socrates gives a defense of the laws themselves. We cannot say that we agree to be governed by the laws of our country and then pick and choose which laws we will follow and which ones we will not. Socrates tells us that he agreed to abide by the laws of Athens and that includes the laws that he disagrees with but were legislated appropriately with a majority vote. This means that if Socrates benefits by the laws of Athens and they say that he should die for his crimes, then he must abide by those laws, too.<br />
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This is a warning for the single-issue voter. If you would have a wisely governed country, then you must pay attention to the whole picture. You don't want to be the one working on the cat puzzle while everyone else is working on the balloon puzzle. If you are only focused on one piece of the puzzle, it's easy to miss all the other pieces that make that picture complete. Socrates was so worried about gaining wisdom, that he missed the political piece of the picture that ultimately killed him. <i>(Or maybe he didn't. Maybe his death was the final thing he had to teach the people of Athens --that's a debate I have heard, too!) </i><br />
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When we focus on a single issue, we can miss the other pieces that would make that issue work more effectively. Legislation that improves life for those who are poor and helps to heal some of the generational effects of poverty treats the roots of the abortion issue, not just the symptom. Ignoring these other issues and clinging only to one piece of that very complex problem ignores a set of tools that might be more effective in ending the scourge of abortion in the long run.<br />
<br />
Am I saying that pro-life legislation is worthless? <b>NOT AT ALL. </b>I think it needs to be approached holistically and right now, the approach is not holistic. When we have pro-life public figures actively tearing down victims of sexual assault and defending the indefensible, in the name of respecting all women --including the unborn --we have a big problem with cognitive dissonance.<br />
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Secondly, we can infer that Socrates is encouraging us not to stand by and allow laws to be made in our name (as citizens) that we do not agree with. We must use our voices to hold our government accountable. By standing aside and allowing laws to be made without his active participation, Socrates has become the unintentional victim of his own lack of involvement in the political process.<br />
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This is a warning for the apathetic voter - if you don't vote, you may be the unintentional victim of what comes next. Whether you vote for Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, a third-party candidate or no one, you will still be subject to the winner's rule. That's the agreement we make as citizens of the United States. We benefit from all of the freedoms (and, yes! there are still many more that we enjoy than citizens of other nations) but this also means that we must accept the outcome of the political process. If you do not participate, then you have no hand in that decision.<br />
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There is a saying in the Catholic Church that we always get the vocations that we deserve. I think that the same can be said of our politicians in the United States. My daughter, quite frankly, is furious with all of us. This is her very first presidential election as a voter "...and <b><i>these </i></b>are the choices you're giving me?" But, maybe we really do deserve exactly these choices. It's up to us to choose wisely and force the parties we have left after this election to make better choices in 2020.<br />
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<i>Photo: "The Death of Socrates" Jacques-Louis David </i><i>(detail)</i><br />
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Want to read <i>Crito </i>for yourself?<i> <a href="https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/p/plato/p71cro/" target="_blank">Click here to get access to a free online copy.</a></i><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-77084907439571005442016-10-17T00:02:00.000-04:002016-10-17T00:08:19.865-04:00How do you win the battle against depression?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
To be clear: This is not meant to be a replacement for regular therapy or medication, This is just another tool that might be a help to someone who is battling with depression. </div>
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<b>If you are grappling with suicidal ideation, please seek professional help immediately!</b></div>
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<b>You are loved and valuable!</b></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6JZfslnSXyM/V-Nt2yS4KXI/AAAAAAAAGMY/EsviNyVAUH8AMGVGVn-A3Tr2wCRl1cd4wCLcB/s1600/Storm2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6JZfslnSXyM/V-Nt2yS4KXI/AAAAAAAAGMY/EsviNyVAUH8AMGVGVn-A3Tr2wCRl1cd4wCLcB/s320/Storm2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>I have never taken a life,</b> but I have tried to. I have tried on more than one occasion to take my own life.<br />
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When the enemy is someone that you carry with you through everything that you do, it's hard to hear what's true and what is a lie. Sometimes those lies can sound very real and they can convince you that the world would be a better place without you.<br />
<br />
It's not true, of course, but The Liar tells you that anyway.<br />
<br />
Recently, for the first time in a while, I encountered The Liar again.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"You are worthless and a failure. You could have stayed where you were, finished your MBA and gone anywhere you wanted to go for school. But no. You got in a hurry. You wanted to move up. And now, what do you have? A half-begun MBA, and no way to pursue a straight-up philosophy degree. Yep. You're awesome all right. An awesome failure.<br />
Oh, and you know that book you were writing, yeah...you'll never finish. You're too chicken."</blockquote>
Oh, The Liar is a nasty, nasty enemy. She knows so much about me and makes a great argument. This time she almost got me because I was alone and vulnerable.<br />
<br />
<b>Only this time, I actually fought her off.</b><br />
<br />
Recently, I bought a book called <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Hilda-Tackle-Naysayer-Unleash-Badassery/dp/0997983809/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1476676595&sr=1-1" target="_blank">"Hilda" by Jennie Mustafa-Julock (aka Coach Jennie)</a>. Brilliantly, Jennie has separated out the negative, self-saboteur that plays in our heads, made her into a cartoon character, and named her Hilda.<br />
<br />
Hilda is your inner naysayer. All that negative talk up there --that's Hilda, not me. She's the one who tells you that you can't or shouldn't or that you don't know enough to do whatever amazing thing you're about to do.<br />
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Jennie's Hilda is not mean-spirited, like The Liar. Actually, Hilda is just trying to keep you safe, but in my case, Hilda has become a tyrant. More times than I care to count, I have found myself locked in a battle for control over my own life --and at the wrong moment, it could be a matter of life or death.<br />
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It's not so much that Hilda lies, it's that she finds the very worst of me and shows me only those pieces. She misrepresents them as what I look like to the world around me. But, we all know that there's a difference between the Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth. Sure, Hilda tells the Truth...but it's not the Whole Truth.<br />
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The rest of the truth (to go with what's listed above) is that I have overcome some really big obstacles to get where I am today. Here is a partial list of the last 18 months:<br />
<br />
-A loved one's drug addiction<br />
-Two personal moves and one child's move<br />
-Two divorces<br />
-A family suicide<br />
-Cancer (my brother's)<br />
-Possible Cancer (mine)<br />
-Cancer again (Dad's)<br />
-Two job changes<br />
-Graduation (yes, good things can be stressful, too)<br />
-My cousin's murder<br />
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And, during that time, I passed 10 credit hours of Graduate level work with a better than 3.8 GPA, I completely changed the way that courses are developed at my old job, I helped people transform their lives and find their dreams. I was so good at what I did that Ohio State hired me (it's tough to get in there, you know!) And I have even found time to keep up on some of my reading and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Catholic-Moms-Prayer-Companion-Catholicmom-com/dp/1594716617/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=" target="_blank">contributed to a book that has just recently been published</a>.<br />
<br />
Yeah, I AM awesome!<br />
<br />
<b>I developed an idea to help remind me of these things when I feel like I am failing. I call it the Success Scrapbook.</b> It's a photo album that I keep on my phone so it's always at the ready. When ever I succeed at something I take a picture of the results or of something that represents those results. I also keep pictures of the people I love and who love me. Anytime I need a reminder that I do sometimes succeed, I open it and take a look at the pictures. It's a really great way to tell Hilda to go sit in the corner and be quiet.<br />
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I worry sometimes about my path - where am I headed. God has a plan for me, I know, but I am not a passive figure in the plan. No, I have a responsibility to use the gifts that God gave me to be everything he created me to be. The gifts of reason and perseverance, of mercy and love, and a sense of justice, have lain dormant in me for too long.<br />
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I have gotten into the habit of letting others choose for me, and I cannot do that anymore. I can choose to listen to Hilda and to look to everyone else for assurance or direction, or I can listen to myself and cut my own trail.<br />
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Hilda is not nice. Not to me, anyway, and right now, she's being downright nasty. So, it's time for her to sit down and shut up. It's time for Katie to decide who she is and what she wants, and then go get it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-44977439462258409002016-10-08T23:36:00.001-04:002016-10-26T00:20:48.299-04:00#NotOkay: Sexual Assault and the Politics of WinningTrigger Warning -- Sexual Assault Descriptions<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-62U_RyUIIcs/V_m0dX8bW2I/AAAAAAAAGY4/SYD9fch6TTEHvoYgm-7EHCRKe5eDqRx-ACLcB/s1600/F%25C3%25BCssli_Silence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-62U_RyUIIcs/V_m0dX8bW2I/AAAAAAAAGY4/SYD9fch6TTEHvoYgm-7EHCRKe5eDqRx-ACLcB/s320/F%25C3%25BCssli_Silence.jpg" width="288" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Silence" - <span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Johann Heinrich Fuessli (1741 - 1825)</span></td></tr>
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Canadian journalist, Kelly Oxford (@kellyoxford), has been running a Twitter campaign in response to Donald Trump's 2005 remarks regarding the treatment of women and fame that has drawn more than one million women (no exaggeration here) out of silence to talk about their sexual assaults. I started to participate but decided that I had more to say than 140 characters would hold.<br />
<br />
Since my childhood, I have been the victim of 7 sexual assaults, only two of which I reported.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>5 years old</b> - In my own backyard. I was stopped by a man in a car in the alley behind my house who showed me "what (he had) in his pants" and then offered me the opportunity to put my mouth on it. I declined but never told anyone because I had no idea that it was anything but just gross.<br />
<b>8 years old</b> - At a Summer Camp, I was taken into a grove of pine trees by a group of boys, who raised my shirt to look at my breasts (which were apparently unimpressive, whereupon, I was let go). I reported this to my counselor who went looking for the boy I could describe. When he was found, he denied the whole thing and I was told to stop making things up.<br />
<b>10 years old</b> - In my house, my babysitter decided to feel me up while "making sure I was in my bed." When I told him to stop it, he did, so I never told my parents.<br />
<b>11 years old</b> - On the city bus, I was seated on a bench seat. The man who sat next to me began to spread his legs out until they were touching mine. I didn't realize what was going on until he put his hand on the seat next to me and started to touch my hip. I got off at the next stop and waited for the next bus and assumed that it was just me being hypersensitive.<br />
<b>12 years old </b>- On my paper route, I was collecting for the monthly bill. An old man who had been very kindly toward me and had several grandchildren that he looked after, grabbed my breasts (which were more impressive than they were when I was 8) and humped me. He told me I was a good girl and he'd take good care of me. I quit carrying papers that month. I never told anyone because I figured that no one would believe me.<br />
<b>14 years old</b> - At a babysitting job, a man who had been a guest in the house for dinner, stayed to help me with the dishes and then stayed to help himself to a little heavy petting. I participated, but he was 28. I was 14 and he knew it. I never considered this an assault until last year when I realized what had really been going on.<br />
<b>16 years old </b>- At a party, I was given enough beer to get pretty well trashed and then raped by a co-worker who was twice my age. When I finally told my parents, because I was so ashamed that I had been at a party where I should not have been, nothing could be done about it.</blockquote>
<br />
<b>Why are these stories so important to tell and what does this have to do with the 2016 Election?</b><br />
<br />
The stories are important to tell because they point to an objectification of women that stretches far back into our history. Women and girls are simply tools for gratification. Actually, rather than raising our stock to "personhood" feminism has simply degraded the stock of men, so we objectify them, too. This has now become pervasive in our society, so much so that we have enshrined it in our entertainment.<br />
<br />
Take a look at our obsession with shows like <i>The Bachelor/Bachelorette</i>, <i>Survivor</i>, and <i>Big Brother. </i>And how about the <i>50 Shades</i> trilogy?<i> </i>We are making those people into objects for our own gratification. We are seeking our entertainment from watching their pain and discomfort. It is this obsession with people's discomfort that drives these sexual assaults. It's all about power: I can make you flinch or do what I want you to do.<br />
<br />
<b>This objectification of people has everything to do with this year's election because BOTH candidates are guilty of using and abusing people in order to gain power and pleasure.</b> This is the battle we have been ignoring. We've been following this wild dog of objectification and it's about to turn around and bite us in the collective face.<br />
<br />
<b>There are many who are defending Donald Trump by saying that these were just lewd comments and that actions speak louder than words. </b>This ignores the fact that he is describing an actual encounter in which he sexually imposed himself on a woman without her consent. This is an admission of an actual sexual assault. Furthermore, it belies a much more deep-seated issue that Mr. Trump seems to struggle with on all fronts - the dehumanization and objectification of all people. For Trump, everyone is an object --a tool, if you will -- for his gratification.<br />
<br />
He has displayed this same contempt for the women in his family, giving shock jock, Howard Stern, permission to call his daughter Ivanka "a piece of ass" and making the comment that he thinks his daughter is hot and he would sleep with her.<br />
<br />
Really? This is the man we want representing our country? Even in his apology, he says "I'm sorry if you were offended" squarely placing the blame on those who are offended, and not taking the blame himself.<br />
<br />
I have said before that I do not believe that the man is pro-life. He views those children's lives as a tool to get elected. If that rhetoric does not serve him in the discharge of his office, if he does not get what he wants, he will dump it.<br />
<br />
<b>Hillary Clinton is not immune to this objectification problem, either.</b> No, she's not objectifying beautiful women, just because they are beautiful, but dig into her remarks about the White House interns and the women who accused Bill Clinton of sexually assaulting them.<br />
<br />
<b>The problem is NOT that she stayed with her husband, <i>the problem is how she treated the victims of those assaults</i>.</b> She shamed those women. She told them to stop making things up so that she would not lose power. First they were objects for her husband's gratification, then they became objects that were not doing what she wanted them to do, so she shamed them into silence.<br />
<br />
Sound familiar? It does to me. <br />
<br />
I was silent about my sexual assaults because I was told to stop making things up when I was 8, because a camp counselor just wanted to go hang out at the campfire with the other counselors. How many other women and girls suffered at these men's hands because I was silent? I'd be willing to bet it was more than one and even one more is too many.<br />
<br />
Hillary Clinton should have to answer for this. I hope that she does, but I am not naive enough to think that this will actually happen.<br />
<br />
<b>What bothers me most </b>about this "Trumpster fire" is the Cirque du Soleil-like contortions being engaged in by his supporters in order to win this year. And make no mistake, it is about <b><i><u>winning</u></i></b>, not being <b>right</b>. Right would be a move toward overall virtue. There is more than one virtue, Pro-life America!<br />
<br />
I know Hillary is no saint, but Donald makes her look like flipping Mother Teresa. The objectification of women is only the latest way in which he has dehumanized large groups of people. The poor, immigrants, anyone who disagrees with him, fat people, ugly people, disabled people... It's not that he's so very different than any other politician --they have all objectified groups of people and individuals for their own personal gain or pleasure. It's that he's so very <b>proud </b>of what he has done.<br />
<br />
Basically, to Donald Trump, if you are not white, wealthy and male, you are not a person. You are a tool.<br />
<br />
<b>Please, don't be a tool. Vote. And vote smart. </b><br />
<br />
If you are a Catholic, you cannot in good conscience vote for either one of these candidates, but <b>do not be silent.</b> My suggestion to you is to vote solidly pro-life (in all senses of that word) down-ticket. If you are concerned that Hillary Clinton would put pro-choice justices on the Supreme Court, vote in enough pro-life legislators to block that initiative. If you are concerned that Donald Trump would just run the country into the ground and get us into wars around the world then vote in legislators that would keep him in check.<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Artwork: <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Johann_Heinrich_F%C3%BCssli_-_Silence_-_WGA08336.jpg" target="_blank"> Public Domain</a></i><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-7051163245902210242016-10-05T14:24:00.002-04:002016-11-05T13:33:32.586-04:00An Open Letter to my Friends Who Engage in Food Stamp Recipient Shaming<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="fljkm" data-offset-key="9p4fa-0-0" style="background-color: white;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There's a problem with this meme. Read more below.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Dearest Friends,</b><br />
My husband and I have had a rough life. We have been on food stamps, have received Medicaid for many years, went without a car for about five years, and even went with no heat and no hot water for a few years. At one point, we were actually homeless. Yes, it's true. Homeless.<br />
<b>Poverty, it seems, has many faces --some that you might not expect. </b><br />
We relied (heavily) on the charity of others. It was painful to ask for help. You cannot possibly know the shame involved in asking St. Vincent de Paul for yet another stopgap and having them ask you if you're working. You may not realize what it's like to be told, "You don't really need this. Go get a job! Who do you think you are?" I truly hope you don't know the shame of knowing that your pastor thinks that you are less than worthy of his time because you're "just using the church as an extra income."<br />
<b>We did not just sit around and wait for people to hand us things.</b> We went to work. Every. Day. In all places we found ourselves, we tried to make the world a little better. <br />
Yes, we did make stupid decisions, but we made smart decisions occasionally, too. We moved from place to place, hoping that this time we would be able to make it work, but only recently has that been the reality. We worked hard, but we also had moments that could be characterized as lazy. Or maybe that was the depression that set in when we realized that our family was relying on us and we couldn't make it work.<br />
<b>Why am I telling you this?</b><br />
I see so many people in my Facebook thread passing around a nasty little meme that likens those who receive food stamps to animals in the National Parks. </span></span><br />
<br />
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<br />
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 21px; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stop it. </span></span></h2>
<b><br /></b>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Charitably, I have decided that you don't really think that my life and the lives of my children and husband are only worth as much as animals in a park. </b>I would certainly hope that anyone who knows me, personally, would believe that I was worth more to them than a raccoon, or an opossum, or even a bear. Again, charitably, I have decided that you don't really think that people who are poor are expendable. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">But maybe you do; maybe I'm wrong about you, my friends.<br />
<b>When you engage in this kind of argument --an argument that casts people as something other than human beings, be that Skittles or wild animals --you turn those people into objects. </b>I don't really believe that you do view all creatures as objects, but be aware, that if you do, then you are subscribing to a philosophy called <a href="https://foundational-research.org/hedonistic-vs-preference-utilitarianism/" target="_blank">Preference Utilitarianism</a>. Here's a quick and dirty breakdown of this Philosophy:
</span></span>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">1)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">There are things that are right and wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">2)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">Decisions of right and wrong are made based on
the amount of happiness they cause. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.75in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">i)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">Right = Greatest Amount of Happiness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.75in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">ii)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">Wrong = Lesser Amount of Happiness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">3)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">Happiness is a satisfaction of preferences.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">4)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">The more preferences that are satisfied across
a population (and that population could be as small as a couple or as big as
the whole world) the more right the action is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt 0.25in; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-size: 10.5pt;">5)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">It is your moral
responsibility to satisfy the majority of a population's preferences, even if
it doesn't satisfy your own preference.</span><span style="color: #1d2129; font-size: 10.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</blockquote>
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Well, now this is all very logical. Let's apply it:</b>
Allowing refugees into the US doesn't satisfy many people's preference for safety, so we keep them out. Many of them die, but that's okay, because our population's preference for safety is satisfied. We are fulfilling our societal obligations and moral responsibilities by satisfying those preferences for safety. If we don't have to think of refugees as human beings then it makes it much easier to ignore their suffering. <br />
Paying taxes that are redistributed as money for food doesn't satisfy many people's preference for being able to hang on to more of the money that they worked hard for. Studies have shown that those who are raised in homes where food sources are not stable are about twice as likely to suffer cognitive disabilities due to poor nutrition,and will likely be impoverished as adults, but that's okay, because our preference for having what we want is satisfied. If we think of food stamp recipients as animals in a park, then we can ignore the fact that 1 out of 4 children are going to bed hungry tonight. (I have other arguments attached to this about educational reform and hunger affecting the long-term preferences of society and the fact that by not considering these folks as having preferences, we dehumanize them even further --but that's a whole discussion on its own.)<br />
<b>All of that said, Preferential Utilitarianism is a big problem if you're Catholic. </b>When we follow this philosophy all the way to its logical end we'll discover it's the root of what has caused the problem of abortion. If we don't have to think about the fact that a fetus is human, then it makes it much easier to "get rid of". Right?<br />
Let's go a step further: You find out that a child you are carrying is going to live, but will be severely disabled. This child will be on governmental assistance programs to help care for them. This is a burden on society and also the family. Under this philosophy, you have a moral responsibility to abort this child because it satisfies the majority of the population's preference to keep more of the money that they earn. Further? If the child is already born and will be a drain on society's resources, it is incumbent upon you to kill the child. <br />
<b>Wait, first we were talking about food stamps and suddenly we're talking about infanticide? Yes, it does go that far.</b> In all respects, this philosophy removes the human aspect of a creature and treats everything as equal, (animals, people, Skittles) insofar as they satisfy or don't satisfy preferences.<br />
So, if you are arguing that food stamp recipients are like bears, you have embraced this form of Utilitarianism. Is that really what you think? This is completely counter to the teachings of the Catholic Church.<br />
Maybe we amuse you. Maybe we inspire you. Maybe one of us is useful to you in some way. But do you care about us? Do you love us for who we are, not what we offer you?<br />
Please do let me know. I would hate to waste any more of your precious time and resources. I will not unfriend you. I will probably not block you, but I will try to convince you that I am worth something more than a wild pig or a coyote. <br />
Yes, I was a government assistance recipient. I got off of it and it was hard work, but it happened. So, no, we don't become dependent like hand-fed animals.<br />
Yes, I am a human being with feelings, thoughts and a will to live as are many, many of the other government assistance recipients out there, and yet, I, and the thousands of others who have to rely on the government for food each month, have something to contribute to the well-being of this world. Even if that contribution is only an opportunity for you to practice charity.</span></span>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-46227624802061828012016-07-20T14:22:00.003-04:002016-10-26T00:21:30.862-04:00On Moral Dilemmas and Not Giving Up the Ship<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-91KNgO_T5nQ/V4-_3j6DBOI/AAAAAAAAF5c/ohF6Loz1IhYUe8S_S6feIZWYN4GV870awCLcB/s1600/OilonTroubledWatersMason.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" border="0" height="268" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-91KNgO_T5nQ/V4-_3j6DBOI/AAAAAAAAF5c/ohF6Loz1IhYUe8S_S6feIZWYN4GV870awCLcB/s400/OilonTroubledWatersMason.jpg" title=""Oil on Troubled Waters" Frank Mason" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.shippingwondersoftheworld.com/part19.html" target="_blank">"Oil on Troubled Waters" by Frank Mason </a></td></tr>
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A friend of mine put this quote up on my Facebook page
today:<br />
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<br /></div>
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<b>"You must not abandon the ship in a storm because you
cannot control the winds… What you cannot turn to good, you must at least make
as little bad as you can."<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<b>— St. Thomas More</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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This is SO apropos for our current political situation;
don't you think? What do we do when there are no good options?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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There are really two parts to this quote and while they are
not completely unrelated, I want to address them separately. Let's start with
the back piece first: "What you cannot turn to good, you must at least
make as little bad as possible," and that will lead us to the Ship.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Having recently spent a semester pondering the question of
moral dilemmas*, this quote struck me as an endorsement of <a href="https://www.britannica.com/biography/Gratian-Italian-scholar" target="_blank">Gratian's</a> exhortation in the <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/Gratians-Decretum" target="_blank"><i>Decretum</i></a> that when hemmed in by two obviously bad choices, one must always choose the
lesser of two evils because it leads you closer to virtue in the end. That
would seem to be in line with St. Thomas More’s quote.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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But, in later centuries, as Gratian's writings were used to
train future generations, there were later thinkers who argued with Gratian.
They are called the <a href="https://www.britannica.com/topic/legal-glossator" target="_blank">Glossators</a> because they wrote "glosses" (or notes, or marginalia) on the
original text. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The Glossators hold that "The Master (that's Gratian)
errs gravely" when he counsels taking the lesser of two evils. They hold,
instead, that God would never put us into a situation where there would ever be
no good option. To hold that there are moral dilemmas in which there are no
good choices, is to hold that God is not merciful. The Glossators go on to say
that since we know that God is all-good and all-loving, he would never put us
into a situation where we would have to jeopardize our immortal souls.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Okay, so quick recap:</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>Gratian</b>: Moral
dilemmas exist and if you encounter one, you should choose the lesser of two
evils.<br />
<b>Glossators</b>: Moral
dilemmas do not exist, so if you encounter one, it's not really a moral
dilemma, there is another choice you haven't come up with.</blockquote>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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Aquinas does some thinking about this idea of moral
dilemmas, too. In <i>De Malo</i> (<i>On Evil,</i>) he suggests that there are
moral dilemmas, but he breaks them down into two types: <i>simpliciter</i> and <i>secundum
quid.</i></div>
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<b>Dilemmas <i>Simpliciter</i></b> are stiuations where an
agent, through no fault of their own, must choose between two equally bad
options. Aquinas thinks that <b><i>if</i></b> these exist, they are very rare.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i>Secundum Quid</i></b> <b>Dilemmas</b>
are moral dilemmas that come about because of the agent's past actions. These
actions can be decisions that were made years previous, but still come back to
bite you in the end. Aquinas thinks that these are much more common.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Another quick recap: <o:p></o:p></b></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Aquinas believes that there are moral dilemmas—situations where
there is no good choice –but these are dilemmas of our own making (<i>secundum quid)</i>. In line with Aquinas' very
Aristotelian thought, there is, in fact, a cause for everything!</blockquote>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>“Don’t give up the
Ship!”<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Many of my friends and relatives have chosen to support Mr.
Trump.</b> They see him as the lesser of two evils. My friends and relatives insist
that I should not “give up the ship just because I cannot control the winds.”
But I say that there must be a way to reset the sails and capture those winds
for the benefit of all.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For 30 years, I have been a committed and active Republican.
I even convinced my husband, a committed and active Democrat, to vote for
Republican candidates because I believed that they were the better option. They
said, and did, the right things where the question of abortion was concerned. Given
this framework, the problems with supporting Hillary Clinton as a candidate are
obvious. Donald Trump says all the right things - of course he does; he's a
salesman - but I see no real evidence of his commitment to the Truth. What has
he done to back these claims of pro-life commitment?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sure, he says that he has accepted Christ and is now a
committed Christian. A friend even likened him to Saul of Tarsus at one point,
but even Saul had to prove his commitment to Peter. Saul had been wounded and
had to be healed, and in order to do that, he had to be humble before Peter and
the other apostles. I see no evidence in Donald Trump’s swaggering braggadocio
that he has been knocked to the ground by his wounds. In addition, the rhetoric
he employs in terms of who can be in America, who can move about freely –
essentially determinations of personhood –are so far beyond the scope of
Catholic Teaching as to be terrifying.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I do not believe that he is pro-life.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So what do we have here between Ms. Clinton and Mr.
Trump? In our two-party system, there
seems to be an overall sense that this is an either/or choice. Even if we
broaden our choices our to include Mr. Johnson (the Libertarian candidate) and
Ms. Klein (the Green candidate), we still find no support for a pro-life
stance. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If, as Catholics of good conscience, we are bound not to
vote for someone who has stated that they support abortion rights, in that
sense, I believe that we have a moral dilemma. But, I think that what we have
here is a <i>Secundum Quid</i> dilemma. We,
as a society, have allowed this to happen with our choices. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rather than Catholics standing together and saying, “there
must be another way,” we have acquiesced to the two-party argument that to
choose a third way is to throw our votes away. By always choosing the lesser of
two evils, as Gratian suggests, we have not moved toward virtue, we have moved
further away from it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We believed that the Republicans would change the federal laws
governing abortion, but when they had control of the House, Senate, White House
and Supreme Court, they did nothing. Nothing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We have allowed the political powers-that-be to steal our
voices and use them to bring forth ideas and laws that we, as Catholics, do not
support. Since when does a stranger in a strange land get told, “Sorry, no room
in the inn”? This is a reaction born out of Fear. Aquinas addresses this in
another spot: “Fear is such a powerful emotion for humans that when we allow it
to take over, it drives compassion right out of our hearts.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>We have allowed Fear to rule us, not Love and not Wisdom,
and it has led us to this moral dilemma.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In a democratic republic, it is true, not every single vote
counts, but a large enough groundswell can change the course of the river. We
must stand against that tide as Catholics. We must stand up for our principles
and we must vote with our consciences. My conscience tells me that Donald
Trump, and the Republicans who support him are erring gravely and are leading
us to worse places in the very near future. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I read a book during my Junior year of college that changed
my life: Plato's <i>Republic</i>. In it,
Plato lays out all of the different types of people and political systems we
have in the world. He details the decay of civilization and predicts with
stunning accuracy how we will get to each stage – from Monarchy to Aristocracy
to Oligarchy to Democracy to Tyranny. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I read, I realized that we have passed through all of
them in human history and we are just a breath away from Tyranny in this
country. Plato actually names Tolerance as one of the forerunners of Tyranny. To
put it succinctly, he predicts that we will be so open-minded that our brains will
fall out. But Tolerance is meant in many senses here. We buck against
toleration of ideas that go against our own, especially when we see that they
are damaging to the society at large. And that is as it should be. We should
stand up for wise governance.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But, if we are willing to tolerate someone who admires
leaders and people who lie and kill to get what they want (or who actually are
leaders who lie and kill to get what they want), and who are so hungry for
power that they will say or do anything to get it, then we are just as bad as
those who tolerate other sins against the Father. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I cannot in good conscience vote for a person who has no
record of being a decent and wise human being in the name of
"winning". If we Catholics, as a group, do not rise up and say
"no more!" this situation will continue to degrade and we will find
ourselves prisoners of our own choices. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In fact, Plato addresses that, too. One of the hallmarks of tyranny
is the lack of freedom --not just for the governed, but for the individual tyrant. He is a prisoner of his own desires, always wanting more. He constantly
worries about how he will keep his power and who is coming to take it from him.
He fears for his life. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>We might already be there. When you have to ask what
is the lesser of two evils, that means you are trapped. </b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are those who have advocated standing back and letting
it all play out --the so-called Amish-Option. Even if we choose to exercise
that option this time, we should never stand quietly. Moving forward, we should
choose our champions wisely. It is, perhaps, time to consider that the
two-party system does not serve us well. The either/or fallacy that this system
sets up can be broken by a significant enough shock --but we MUST find the
third way. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Fortunately, Aquinas gives us one more piece of advice for
dealing with <i>secundum quid</i> dilemmas:
he tells us that the only way out is through confession, penance and amendment.</b>
I don't think it's any accident that Jesus tells us, quite plainly, that <b>He is
the Way</b> and the place that we can find him is in the Sacraments.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>*Apologies to Michael V. Dougherty, PhD (my <b>excellent </b>professor at Ohio Dominican University, who wrote <a href="http://www.cambridge.org/us/academic/subjects/philosophy/medieval-philosophy/moral-dilemmas-medieval-thought-gratian-aquinas?format=HB" target="_blank">an excellent book </a>on the subject of moral dilemmas) - I'm doing this from memory because my notes are in storage.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><b>Just a note:</b> the
idea of moral dilemmas is not a settled question. The debate is still going on
today. This is just the information I am working with and what I hold to be
true. You may disagree. You may believe Gratian. I believe Aquinas.</i><o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-42675326251687065382016-07-02T14:57:00.000-04:002016-07-02T14:57:17.039-04:00Tempus Fugit - Time Flies<br />
<b>It is said that time flies, and it does.</b> Never has this been more clear to me than right now. Now, at the middle-point of my life, I can see how fast things travel. It seems like only yesterday, I was getting ready to go to Germany and arranging to get my passport. I realized today that my passport expired at the beginning of June. 10 years is a blink of an eye, but it was a productive blink.<br />
<br />
In that time, we've had two grand kids, I found my passion (Philosophy). We have moved at least a couple of times. We've been homeless and re-established our home again. My husband and I have both changed careers. There have been ups and downs to our marriage. We have lost beloved members of our family to cancer, some of us have defeated it, and still others are fighting for their lives against it.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zvgRQVstrUA/V3gKE7kHHDI/AAAAAAAAF00/D2lCAdIjYfgCd9nzxQRLpz0gxOlMZtanQCLcB/s1600/1808879066-time_flies_by_janussyndicate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zvgRQVstrUA/V3gKE7kHHDI/AAAAAAAAF00/D2lCAdIjYfgCd9nzxQRLpz0gxOlMZtanQCLcB/s400/1808879066-time_flies_by_janussyndicate.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<b>What hit me this morning is the lack of time that we spend with one another.</b> In our day-to-day lives, how much time do we really spend with each other? Sure, you're constantly with people, but are you connecting with them? Are your kids watching videos or listening to their personal listening devices, or playing their video games while you drive them to yet another practice? Or are you talking to them? Are you listening to their day? Are you spending the precious time that you have doing something that builds that relationship? I spent all day with my kids yesterday, and I am pretty sure that nothing we talked about had any substance.<br />
<br />
And what about your spouse? Do the two of you fall into bed at the end of the week, sleep like the dead, and then make love on Saturday morning (like an appointment) just so that you can say you spent quality time with them? When was the last time you asked them what they thought about the immortality of the soul or what they think it means to be married? When was the last time you made a real connection with your spouse, so much so that you really thought you got to something real? I'm betting that it wasn't recently. For me, it's not as often as I would like.<br />
<br />
<b>When was the last time you made real eye contact with someone you were talking to? </b>Not business contact, but the real, personal contact that says, "I care about what you are saying to me and I care about you." It's so rare these days that it's noteworthy when it happens to me. I remember it.<br />
<br />
As I am preparing for my father to die (and it's coming soon) and watching my grandson grow from a toddler and into a pre-schooler, I am struck by how little time we have. What do we spend our time on?<br />
<br />
I have spent mine on making money, making a name for myself, ferrying my kids and husband all over the city. My 5 year old car has 175,000 miles on it. I put 161,000 of those on it. At a mile a minute, that's over 2,683 hours in the car. Driving. That doesn't include waiting. I have spent even more time than that sitting at a computer keyboard reading about the horrors of the world or reading about who said what to whom --essentially gossip and self-gossip.<br />
<br />
I have also spent a good deal of time getting to know my children and my husband. I have helped them navigate the rough waters of being grown-ups. I have spent time sitting in offices listening to people pour their hearts out to me (unbidden) that they wish they'd had more time with the people that mattered to them. Those interactions are the ones that I treasure and these are the things that last.<br />
<br />
<b>Money and stuff can be replaced </b>--you can have everything one day and be bankrupt the next, and on top of the world the next week. Honor is fleeting and completely in the hands of others --you can have a good name one day, and be worthless in the eyes of the world the next. Pleasure is fleeting and always leaves you wanting more.<br />
<br />
<b>Time, however, is completely limited. </b>Whether we spend it glued to our screens, or glued to our chair at work, or glued to our steering wheel, is completely up to us. I have spent far too much time doing things that do not build relationships with the people who matter most to me. I have spent far too much time doing things that I really hate or that are abhorrent to me. I have not used the time that I had with my friends and family to it's best advantage choosing to be face down in my phone or occupied with what I was going to do next, or what I wished was happening instead of this interaction.<br />
<br />
This mid-life seat at the top of the hill that allows me to see what has led to where I am and what comes next. And, like any good scout, I am paying attention to the shadowy spots, the rocks and boulders that could complicate my descent. I can collect wood and berries and hunt for food along the way, but choosing the path and companions carefully can make that job easier or harder.<br />
<br />
How will I use my time best? Gather the right team, plan the descent and look forward to the rest at the end.<br />
<br />
<i>(c) Katie O'Keefe, 2016. All rights reserved.</i><br />
<i>Photo credit: "Time Flies" at <a href="http://quotesgram.com/img/how-fast-time-flies-quotes/eTgY8mSijX/" target="_blank">QuotesGram</a>, Chanda Enos, 2016. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-41133174385305628762016-05-18T10:29:00.001-04:002016-05-18T10:29:33.608-04:00Death and Beauty<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OA6GZcjJiJg/Vzx7JokGApI/AAAAAAAAFms/s5f-4vvlgzk8A0ajKNKAjVW0nzdyU5rggCKgB/s1600/FB_IMG_1456641103035.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OA6GZcjJiJg/Vzx7JokGApI/AAAAAAAAFms/s5f-4vvlgzk8A0ajKNKAjVW0nzdyU5rggCKgB/s320/FB_IMG_1456641103035.jpg" width="176" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Mom and Dad on their 48th Anniversary<br />this past February.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
My father was diagnosed with esophageal cancer about two weeks ago. The specific type is a common one, but because of its location (at the junction between the stomach and the esophagus) it is very virulent and hard to kill. People who have this type of cancer, in this location, have only about a 14% survival rate past five years. It's an awful disease that steals your ability to eat and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it will steal his ability to sing.<br />
<br />
My dad and mom have always sung to me. My father taught me to sing in German. He taught me to sing in harmony. He taught me to play trumpet and my very first notes on the piano. My folks sang me a lullaby every night before I went to bed. I can still hear their voices as they sang to me in my tiny, little, room in our tiny post-WWII house. In my life, where song is like breath, my parents taught me to breathe, but most especially my dad.<br />
<br />
Having been here at this point (where singing becomes harder and then disappears,) I woke up one morning last week weeping over this impending loss. I know, perhaps more than he does at this moment, how hard this is going to be. To hear a choir and know and feel every single note all the way down to your inner core, but not be be to join in the song, is a great grief.<br />
<br />
One of the things that I believe about the world is that beauty transforms people and when people are transformed, they transform the world around them. Creating beauty and appreciating beauty both transform you, but it is in creating beauty that we truly share in the divine. I think that's one of the things that makes us unique as human beings --our capacity to create beauty. Not just in the sense that we are beautiful, but in that we seek it out, we want to appreciate it, and we seek to create it using the gifts that we are given.<br />
<br />
My father's gifts are not the same as mine, though they overlap (DNA is a thing). Where my talents are administrative and musical, Dad's are innovative and musical. Where I want a piece of music to recreate, Dad can improvise. Where Dad likes to create outside the box, I like to see what I can use inside the box to make things better. This is illustrative of the reason that my father is a serial entrepreneur and I work in an office.<br />
<br />
Creativity can express itself in many ways and musicians (really artists of any type) have to learn to embrace those other forms of creativity as life throws us curveballs and takes away our more obvious gifts. It is obvious, for example, that a person who can sing or write or draw is talented and that they are creative, but what may not be so obvious is the beauty of other things that they can create. One of the things that I learned when I lost my voice is that there are other ways that I can create beauty, but first I had to learn to see it in places other than the obvious.<br />
<br />
Dad has used his creativity to solve engineering problems for years. Always looking outward, Dad has done much good with his life. I have no doubt that there are many families who still have fathers, husbands, mothers and wives because my dad's inventions changed the way that manufacturing is done in their industry, making it safer, while making it more reliable and accurate. And that is a beautiful thing, isn't it?<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<br />"A thing of beauty is a joy forever: its loveliness increases..." - John Keats</blockquote>
<br />
Maybe this is how we live on in the lives of our loved ones - by creating things that are beautiful. The fact that even one life was spared from a runaway extrusion of steel may be the reason that ten more lives exist in the world - and happily. Even the music, which disappears as soon as it's made, stays with me and has inspired many others throughout my career. It is true: we never know the impact we have in the world and the ripples we send out from one act.<br />
<br />
It is in this moment, where death and life are converging, that I can finally see the beauty of all of my father's creative genius. It's such a paradox to know that it takes loss to make you see gain.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-38274875803880270252016-03-07T15:06:00.003-05:002016-03-07T15:06:50.990-05:00How Stats and Heidegger Showed Me that I Exist (or Happy Birthday to Me)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="Nautilus" height="400" src="http://www.iainclaridge.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/nautilus.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="319" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">As the Nautilus ages it grows by adding additional<br />chambers to house itself throughout its life cycle.<br />As we age, we grow, too - just not as obviously.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<b>Saturday was my 47th birthday</b>. It's been a tough birthday to face down. In three short years, I will be 50. I kept thinking all weekend, "Wasn't I just 25 last year?" But I was not. It's time for me to face facts: I am getting older. I am not a girl; I am a woman and a middle-aged woman at that.<br />
<br />
Between the breast surgery (the masses were not cancerous, but the surgery is still painful), the pneumonia I'm still fighting off, and the ups and downs of everyday life, I have realized that my life is passing by me very quickly. I am struck by the fact that I have wasted a great deal of time and I am filled with regrets.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>This is not the first time I have faced down a tough birthday</b>. When I was turning 29 I had been married for about 7 years and had two kids and had already had a couple of miscarriages. Something was missing and I couldn't lay my finger on it. I was not sure what I wanted to do with my life and time was passing me by in a flurry of day-to-day sameness. Struggling with depression, I checked myself into the hospital in order to sort out some of my more self-destructive issues and realized that I hated what I was doing. I was bored by the "sameness" of it all: Get up. Go to work. Come home. Eat dinner. Kiss kids. Lose time on the internet. Go to bed. Repeat daily.<br />
<br />
As I looked back over my 20s, I regretted not getting to "have fun" as if "fun" was the end all and be all of existence. To shake things up, I did some things I am not proud of and destroyed many relationships in the process. It has taken almost 20 years to repair some of them, and others will never recover. No, fun was not the answer. It was a change, but not for the better.<br />
<br />
As I entered my 40s, I can remember, once again, feeling like there was something missing. My kids were getting older, but I was not in a place where I could effectively help them navigate the transition into adulthood. After some soul-searching, I decided at 42 to go back to school and get my Bachelor's degree in Philosophy. Best decision I ever made.<br />
<br />
<b>Now, I am working on a Master's Degree I only partially care about having.</b> I want to study Philosophy, but in the absence of a local program, I am taking a Master's in Business Administration instead. I enjoy learning and seek new information all the time, but Business Administration is not something that fascinates me. It simply doesn't captivate me like Philosophy did and does. So, as I was in recovery from my surgery last month, I decided that life was entirely too short to waste my time on things that I hate to do. I came back determined to finish the semester and then drop the program.<br />
<br />
This Saturday, as I got up to attend my first Stats class, I was more annoyed about my chosen program than ever. What a way to celebrate my birthday: taking a class I was dreading and had no interest in taking. I made myself get dressed and go anyway. And I am so glad I did!<br />
<br />
<b>I gained understanding of a concept that eluded me before, and in that moment a hundred other pieces fell into place as well.</b> I realized that it is through struggle and change that we know that we are living. Not just alive, but living. It is in finding Understanding, no matter where it is, that I find joy.<br />
<br />
In his work <i>Being and Time, </i>Martin Heidegger characterizes Being (as in existence) as <i>Da-sein</i>. Translated from the German literally it means "There Being" or "Being There". The English doesn't quite capture the nuance of Heidegger's idea, though. There are a couple of ways that you can say "there" in German. There is "dort" which is a more fixed sense of "there" and there is "da" which contains a sense of movement, as well as a sense of arrival. Consequently,<i> Da-sein</i> projects itself into the future, and because of that, there is a sense of motion to Heidegger's <i>Da-sein</i> that pushes it forward. If you are always going to be "there", then you are never "here", because once you "arrive" you are not going anywhere else. (I know --dense --but stay with me.)<br />
<br />
<b>In highly simplified terms, Heidegger's concept means that when we stop changing, when we stop growing or decaying, when we stop moving forward, we cease to be. </b>As I was learning how to calculate a standard deviation this realization hit me like a lightning bolt: pushing myself to be in the next place will never be a waste of time. As long as I am learning, pushing and growing, I am not wasting my life. I am simply becoming more of what I am created to be.<br />
<br />
As I have made my way through the first few months of the MBA program, I have found that my passion for Philosophy has come into play in unique ways. I have used it in leadership and management classes, in Economics and now in Statistics. I have always believed that Philosophy is the root of all learning, but it is truly the search for Understanding that fires my passion.<br />
<br />
There is a pattern to all life - there are relationships that are not always obvious to the naked eye -and understanding this is what fascinates me about Philosophy. So, taking these classes is an opportunity for me to see the relationships that I have missed between business and Philosophy. This should be interesting.<br />
<br />
<b>At the very least, I can say I exist.</b><br />
<br />
<i>Photo credit: "X-ray Nautilus Shell" by Bert Myers via <a href="http://www.iainclaridge.co.uk/blog/11646" target="_blank">IainClaridge.net</a></i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-31155212230600485412016-02-28T18:54:00.000-05:002016-02-28T18:54:01.441-05:006 Management Skills You Developed as a Stay-at-Home-Parent<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s40zeWObeDQ/VsVZrjQ8aQI/AAAAAAAAFNA/h1jJYYuLXP8/s1600/file0001996887267.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-s40zeWObeDQ/VsVZrjQ8aQI/AAAAAAAAFNA/h1jJYYuLXP8/s400/file0001996887267.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
I have a few friends who, after years of raising their families, have either jumped back into the workforce or have gone back to school to pursue a new career. Conventional job-search wisdom tells us that it is never a good idea to bring up our gaps in employment and correlate it with our families. But I have an argument to make. First, if someone would disqualify you on the basis of your parenthood, you probably don't want to work for them. Secondly, if you've been a stay-at-home parent, you have skills you don't even know you have, and, furthermore, these skills are in high demand. Be aware, while employers cannot ask about your family, marital status or anything else personal, you can be sure that they will ask about gaps in your work record. I believe it's in your best interest to tell the truth, but you have to figure out how to make it one of your assets, not a detriment.<br />
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When my mother-in-law entered the workforce at age 45 (or so) after raising six kids, she walked out of her first interview with a job. How? When she walked into the interview she told her prospective employer that she was completely overqualified for any position he might offer her. As a mother of six, she had solid leadership and management capabilities that were enviable and she wasn't afraid to tell her employer about it. Like what, you ask. There are some obvious ones, like bookkeeping and budgeting. But there are less obvious skills she picked up raising a big family, too.<br />
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Below are 6 Management and Leadership Skills that you probably developed as you raised your family. As you read these examples, think about times when you may have encountered these situations or similar ones and handled them exceptionally well. Have these stories in your back pocket to show your prospective employer that when you raised your family, you meant business.<br />
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1. Crisis Management</h4>
Every appliance or car breakdown...ever. These things never happen at a good time, so being able to manage flexibility and keep the house running is crucial. This is Crisis Management. And, let's talk about Science Projects: the important thing is making sure that once you set them on a course, you let them do it. You can't take time away from the other kids just because one had not planned ahead or their project was ruined in some way. This is also an exercise in time management and delegation.<br />
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2. Change Management</h4>
When you have a family, change happens not only every time you add a child to the household, but also when the children begin to change their level of engagement in the family. Every year, there are new activities and challenges. Every new teacher or coach has a certain standard for your children. Helping them keep up with those changes is change management.<br />
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3. Delegation and Leadership Pipeline Development</h4>
As your family grows, it becomes important to know how and when to delegate tasks to older children. Teaching your kids to take on household responsibilities is not only smart for you, but prepares them to take on roles in their own households as grown-ups. This is called Leadership Pipeline development. As with all development programs, there is a mix of set tasks along with flex assignments, designed to stretch them just a little and build skills they can use to help you more in those Crisis and Change Management situations. As they build skills, they take on more responsibility.<br />
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4. Team Building</h4>
If you have ever done a whole family project, you have demonstrated Team Building skills. You have assessed your children's skills, strengths and weaknesses, and put them to work in an appropriate capacity. You probably even know that in order to get good work, you need to give good feedback - clear, measurable and constructive. Relationship building and repair is a part of Team Building, too. Every time you have refereed an argument between your little darlings, you have managed to use negotiation and conflict resolution, too.<br />
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5. Logistics</h4>
Tuesday afternoon: Suzie has dance at 4 PM, Betty has dance at 5 PM (same place), but Johnny and Joey have baseball at 4:30 across town. You know what to do...<br />
<h4>
6. Market Analysis and Sales</h4>
Three Words: School. Candy. Sale. Whether you were heading up the fundraiser for the PTA, or just the one helping your kid make phone calls to Mom, Dad and all your brothers and sisters, you did a market analysis and sales training. You figured out who would buy sweets/magazines/gift wrap from your kid and you hit them up. You taught your child to say please and thank you. You taught them to get all the information ahead of time, how to collect the money, and how to deliver the product, too.<br />
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Identifying skills that you have honed as a stay-at-home-parent and coupling them with the hard business skills you have from your studies is not a cop-out. These are real skills that are in great demand in the workplace. Chances are good that you'll be asked Behavioral Interview Questions and that you'll be asked to weave your own experience into your answers, so by all means, use them! Don't hide your light under a bushel! You are a leader and you are good at what you do.<br />
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Now, go get 'em!<br />
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<i>Photo by Talesin (1998) via <a href="http://www.morguefile.com/archive/display/184969" target="_blank">Morguefile</a></i></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-62388725254510639892016-02-01T18:15:00.002-05:002016-02-02T06:42:23.129-05:00Looking at the Moon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>"Barn burned down. Now I can see the moon." - Mizuta Masahide</b></div>
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Saturday morning ,my husband and I took a "staycation." We wandered down to German Village to go exploring and found Helen Winnemore's. <a href="http://www.helenwinnemores.com/" target="_blank">Helen Winnemore's</a> is a beautiful shop with handcrafted art items, to wear, to use and to just be beautiful, too. As you come through the door, you are offered coffee, tea or water as you browse. It's like coming to your cool artist friend's house and hanging out.<br />
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As I sipped on my coffee (handed to me in a handmade pottery mug) I spotted the pendant pictured above from across the room. I was intrigued by the shapes and metals that went into making it. As the crowd looking at the display cleared away a bit, I moved over to get a closer look and was caught off guard by the quote on it.<br />
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Tears sprang to my eyes and my throat closed around the cold lump that used to be my voice. "Yes, the barn has certainly burned to the ground," I thought.<br />
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Every now and then, I allow myself a moment of grief over my voice. And that's what this was - a moment.<br />
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Somehow, this quote, centuries old and composed of nine words, put into perspective three years of upheaval. From the thyroidectomy that stole my voice and career, to my children's marital struggles, to the birth of two new grandchildren, to a new major, a new career, and new home, this past three years has been a lesson in change management to rival all others. We have lost so much, yet we have gained immeasurably.<br />
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Most people would see Masahide's quote as somewhat Pollyanna-ish, but I don't. In thinking about the idea of a barn, we must realize that the barn is a link between past, present, and future. It is not just a place of shelter, but a place of storage as well as a place of investment. In losing the barn, Masahide has lost his food, his animals, his shelter, all of his security and possibly his memories, too. In other words, the loss of a barn is no small thing.<br />
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But instead of grieving, he focuses in the next sentence on the positive - he can see the moon. The moon, with all her elusive and silvery beauty is a symbol of dreams and inspiration, but in addition, the moon inspires the movement of tides and is feminine, so it's a symbol of new life, as well.<br />
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What the 17th century samurai has to say to us is more prescient than we might imagine. It is in chaining ourselves to the things that we have stored up for ourselves, in clinging to the memories of what has come before, in making plans for the future that may never yield a harvest --in short, imagining that we have control over our lives --that we lose our ability to live.<br />
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In trying to control what comes next, we lose the opportunity to see things that are unusual and paths that take us to more beautiful places than we had planned for ourselves. In mooring ourselves in the memories of what has come before, we lose the ability to see the places where we might go next, or even worse, fall into the hole we didn't see while looking over our shoulders. In feeling smugly satisfied with our present state, we lock ourselves into a stasis where we refuse to take risks, and therefore, refuse to grow.<br />
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In my own life, I can see these opportunities presenting themselves to me again. I miss singing and directing a choir, but I enjoy my new career, too. Renovating people's lives through the provision of education is very rewarding work and I get to participate in that work every day. But even now the world is shifting under my feet again. Rather than thinking of these tremors as bad things, I can choose to think of them simply as change. Heraclitus tells us, "One cannot step into the same river twice." I think this is true.<br />
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Relationships shift, projects get complex, and change is the only constant in our lives. How we look at that change makes all the difference. So, instead of crying over the smouldering remnants of the barn, I believe I'll look at the moon and see what path she illuminates for me.<br />
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<i>Photo Credit: PacificGallery.net, 2015 - Pendant for sale on their site found <a href="http://www.pacificgallery.net/pk4/store.pl?view_product=9965" target="_blank">here</a>. </i><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-70069604829922236042016-01-26T17:05:00.000-05:002016-01-26T17:28:56.825-05:00Filling Buckets<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last semester we read a series of books and articles on strengths-based development. I have always been a big believer in working on my weaknesses with more vigor than developing my strengths. As it turns out, there are data-based reasons why this way of thinking is exactly backward.<br />
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Here's the theory in a nut-shell: If you concentrate on your weaknesses, or the things that you don't do well, you will improve them, but you will never be great at them; you'll only be "not bad" at them. But, if you develop your strengths, and always play to them, you can develop those into towering strengths, be more engaged at work and feel more productive and fulfilled everywhere.<br />
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When I first went to college, I majored in Music, but ended up in Philosophy. I discovered that, while I loved music, there were things I needed to be able to do (like play the keyboard) that I would never be good at. I would only ever be "not bad". What I loved about music was all the Philosophy that is contained in Music. I was still playing to my strengths, just in a different way. In thinking about other people I know, I realized that what makes them happiest and most productive is when they play to their strengths. They know what they are good at and they use those talents every day.<br />
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One of the common misunderstandings of strengths-based development is that you ignore the weaknesses. That's not true. Your weaknesses can be your Achilles Heel, and if they are, you must address them. But there are things we work at that are not mission-critical, so to speak. If you're not a good pianist, you let someone who is play and you sing. If you're not a good singer, but you play piano well,<strike> you will always have a job in the Catholic church</strike>, you can let others sing while you play. Strengths-based development, then, is not really about the self - it's about the team.<br />
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It's just like Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians "There are many gifts, but the same Spirit." As the body of Christ, we are all called to a mission and given the specific gifts and talents to accomplish those. No two of us will be exactly alike - and that's a good thing! How would it look if we walked around with three feet instead of just two? Well, the Body of Christ is no different.<br />
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Recently, as I was prepping to pass this information along to some of my younger friends who are getting ready to graduate, I discovered another facet of this theory - the relationship facet. One of the suggested books for follow-up is a book called "How Full Is Your Bucket?" (Clifton and Rath, 2009). In this book, Don Clifton, the father of strengths-based development theory, puts forth the idea that when you are positive, and share genuinely positive interactions with people, you and the person you share with are healthier and happier. He suggests a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions as the "golden ratio". No relationship is completely positive, but when you get more negative interactions, to positive ones, you drain people, and you drain yourself, too.<br />
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This is a great way to develop and mend relationships. When you fill a bucket, you aren't just blindly dropping compliments that mean nothing. You are taking the time to get to know each person. To get to know who they are, what they do best and how they are motivated best. It becomes a personal relationship and the people you work with or live with become Persons, not just cogs in a wheel or problems to be dealt with.<br />
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I see this as a very Christian way to look at the world. If we are truly serious about the idea that when we act with kindness to even the least of God's people, we are acting toward Him, then there is no other way to act. When we recognize the strengths of those around us, we recognize the gifts that God has bestowed on each individual - gifts he has given in to that person in that combination. When we complement those strengths and draw others' attention to them, we honor the presence of God in each human soul.<br />
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It's not always easy to look for the good in the bad. It's there, I promise. Recently, my sister-in-law and I were discussing how much it stinks that my brother is so sick and in the hospital. I reflected that it could be much worse. We live in a city with one of the most highly rated cancer research hospitals in the country. We live in a place where we are close to family and friends - our roots run deep here. And, though this is awful - no doubt about it - it could be a worse situation.<br />
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For me, it's a reminder that time passes quickly and you may not get another chance to say "I love you."<br />
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Do it today. Fill that bucket.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-71171919540568656292016-01-18T23:27:00.001-05:002016-01-18T23:27:34.208-05:00A Full Church<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/61/Saint_Patrick_Catholic_Church_(Columbus%2C_Ohio)_-_interior%2C_decorated_for_Laetare_Sunday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/61/Saint_Patrick_Catholic_Church_(Columbus%2C_Ohio)_-_interior%2C_decorated_for_Laetare_Sunday.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Will my church be full or empty?</td></tr>
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In my family it's not a matter of <b>if</b> you will get cancer, but where and when. All four of my grandparents and one of my uncles have tangled with (and lost to) cancer. I have already battled thyroid cancer and I am staring down a second biopsy for breast cancer in just a couple of weeks. I don't really want to talk about dying here, though that's an inescapable part of the conversation. I want to talk about the way we live.<br />
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I was very young when my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer. He died when I was 7 so I don't remember many of the details of his illness. What I do remember is being at the funeral home the day of the funeral and all I could see were knees in dark dress pants. I actually got lost in the crowd of business suits thinking I was still standing next to my dad. Later that day, I remember exiting the limousine at St. Patrick Church and walking through a crowd of people standing all the way out to the sidewalk. I didn't realize what that meant as a small child.<br />
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It wasn't until my uncle died of cancer about 7 years ago and there was a similar traffic jam at the funeral home and the church that I realized that both of these men had made a tremendous impact on the community around them. The church was absolutely packed for both of their funerals and the crowds spilled out onto the sidewalks with people whose lives were touched in a very real way by these men. At my uncle's funeral, I heard story after story from people who he had cared for and whose lives were better for him being in it -not because it was him, but because God called him to serve the poor and the lonely, and he heeded that call.<br />
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When I think of these men, I think of the Just Man as described in Psalm 112: 9 "Open-handed he gives to the poor; his righteousness endures forever; his horn shall be exalted in honor."<br />
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My brother is currently fighting cancer and right now he's fighting off pneumonia and a sinus infection, too. It's hard to watch him go through this. John has always been the one who was more active, more in shape, more driven, more generous, really - kind of more "everything". He is a great friend and a wonderful and supportive brother. To see him scrambled and gasping for breath was disturbing to say the least.<br />
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In my grief over my brother's illness, I have realized that John's church will be full. Over the years, he has served the community in many ways - inviting those without family around to share Thanksgiving with us; donating time, money and toys to struggling local families; working as a volunteer firefighter; giving of his substance to people when ever and where ever they needed him. He, like his grandfather and uncle before him, has made an impact on his community, and, God willing, will continue to have an impact for years to come.<br />
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I want my church to be full when I die, too -not because I am so awesome (I am not), not because I am ready to die (again, I am not) -but because I am ready to live. I am ready for God to use me to really make a difference in people's lives. I am not so sure that my life right now is one that inspires a full church at my funeral, but I hope that I can live up to that charge. Just like the cancer, it seems to be a family tradition.<br />
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Photo Attribution: <span style="text-align: center;">St. Patrick Church, Columbus, OH by </span><span style="text-align: center;">Nheyob (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons</span></i></span></span></h4>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-45885286097691983092016-01-16T14:55:00.000-05:002016-01-16T14:55:18.709-05:00Joan of Arc and Everyday CourageI recently saw this painting of St. Joan of Arc on Facebook with the following quote attributed to her:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-onqbGhqo3zs/VoYIB2t5kjI/AAAAAAAAFIE/FaJBxQlK3l4/s1600/JeanneD%2527Arc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-onqbGhqo3zs/VoYIB2t5kjI/AAAAAAAAFIE/FaJBxQlK3l4/s640/JeanneD%2527Arc.jpg" width="428" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://digital-art-gallery.com/picture/8360" target="_blank">Joan of Arc, Michael C. Hayes (c) 2010</a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">“It is better to be alone with God.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">His friendship will not fail me,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">nor his counsel, nor his love.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">In his strength, I will dare and dare</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">and dare until I die.”</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Well, of course, we all know that she <i>did </i>dare until she died, and keeps on daring us -those who have followed her -to follow the steep path she cut for us.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">When I saw this painting, I was struck by how young she looks. My daughter, just barely out of her teens, looks older than this young girl. Joan is my Confirmation patroness. I fell in love with her after reading Mark Twain's biography of her when I was in 7th grade. She has a way of beguiling people, writers like Twain and George Bernard Shaw, admitted to having fallen in love with this peasant girl from the middle ages. I didn't stand a chance. My son saw me meditating on the picture and knew immediately who this was, exclaiming, "Oh, Mom, I just <b>love</b> her!"</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">What is it that draws us to this young woman who was, by all reports, a simple girl who could neither read, nor write? She was not gently reared, nor was she well-spoken. She heard voices and donned men's clothes and dared to go to meet a very powerful man and tell him what he ought to be doing. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">And all of this before the age of 19.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"> People were certain she was crazy and forensic psychology experts have posthumously diagnosed her with bipolar disorder. Well, maybe she was crazy, but that doesn't lessen her achievements and it doesn't take away her holiness.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">When Joan first left home, she was 14 years old. When my son came upon me staring at my screen in awe of the piece of art you see above, I was actually thinking about what I was doing at 14. I was involved in marching band, choir, and theatre. I was very busy complaining about having to work to pay my way through Catholic high school and having to watch my two youngest siblings. I regularly whined about how much power I didn't have and how lost I was in the world. If you were looking for me, you were likely to find me lying alone on my bed and daydreaming about being anywhere but where I was. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Joan, on the other hand, had set out on a journey to save her country. She was sleeping on the ground and armoring for battle. She went to find a man who just wanted to play, just to tell him that God wanted him on the throne of France and she was going to put him there. She led an army - and they won against great odds at Orleans against the English. W</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">hile she followed God's plan for her life, she succeeded, but when she deviated from it, or tried to bring glory to herself or someone other than God, she failed. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">It's in interesting contrast. And in retrospect I believe I had much more in common with the Dauphin than I did with Joan, and still do. Most kids at 14 are a lot more like I was. What made Joan different was her trust - her faith and her willingness to go where she was led. Her fearlessness, even in the face of certain death, was a powerful witness not just to teenagers, but to all of us. She absolutely trusted that God would care for her. No matter what anyone did to her body, her soul would live in eternal peace with the one who knew and loved her best. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">When I am faced with things I don't want to face - loneliness, confronting my own weaknesses, taking a stand for what I believe to be right in the face of great odds -I am going to remember my patroness: young, simple and so full of trust. Then, I'm going to get up and do what I must.</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-802624350909845032015-12-09T07:15:00.002-05:002015-12-09T07:18:52.578-05:00"Do something USEFUL!" - Why a Liberal Arts Degree When Business is Where You Make Money?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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About a year ago, I was finishing up my first semester as a Philosophy student. I had been taking an equally marketable degree - English - when I discovered the amazing world that is Philosophy. I was like a teenager in love. I was so head over heels that I was dizzy from all the thought I was absorbing.<br />
<br />
Early in the semester, I encountered a woman who was auditing a class in the History of Renaissance Philosophy. She loved history and wanted to see what this class was all about, but it was a bad fit. She had been expecting a class that covered the <i>History </i>of Philosophy instead the class was all about reading the Philosophy of the Renaissance period. Our professor was a brilliant teacher and had us reading primary texts - Machiavelli, Montaigne and Bacon, as well as some lesser-known figures of Renaissance philosophy. It just wasn't what she'd been expecting and she was unhappy. She didn't want to read Philosophy, she wanted to read <i>about </i>it.<br />
<br />
One day, during her lament that she was wasting her time reading things that were completely useless, she asked me, "So, what's your major."<br />
<br />
"Uh, Philosophy," I said with a bright, but wry, grin.<br />
<br />
She reached over the table urgently, put her hand next to mine and said with great intensity, "Oh honey, take something <b><i>useful </i></b>--something like <i>Accounting </i>or <i>Marketing</i>. You'll <b><i>starve </i></b>with a Liberal Arts degree!"<br />
<br />
I laughed, and said, "Well, I don't think I'll starve!" At the time, my husband and I were living with my parents. After 20 years of toughing it out just above the poverty line, we had succumbed to the latest economic crisis and had effectively become homeless in our early forties. I had 20 years of work experience behind me and a degree -any degree - would improve my job prospects. But, because I was "drunk in love" with Philosophy I didn't hear the larger problem with her assertion that Philosophy was not useful.<br />
<br />
The Liberal Arts have been taking a hit in the press and in the political arena recently. With the rise of so-called "competency-based" programs and the touting of vocational training rather than college education, getting a degree in a Liberal Arts field looks like a relic from the 80's. But nothing could be farther from the truth.<br />
<br />
When I graduated, I was hired on at my alma mater within two weeks of my commencement. It's really a dream job and I love it. <b>I help renovate lives so that those people can, in turn, renovate their families and the community around them.</b><br />
<br />
That sounds like a pretty lofty mission, but it's the truth.<br />
<br />
I work in the Adult and Continuing Education Program and we serve adult students who are taking another shot at getting their bachelor's degree. Currently, the program is a business program, but because our university is a liberal arts institution, all the students have to take English, History, Art, Social and Physical Sciences, and of course, Philosophy and Theology. And I believe, that it makes them better people, not just better workers.<br />
<br />
That's because when I look at the world around me, I don't see cogs in a machine. I don't see people as expendable or a means to profit. What I see are human beings - whole persons - with lives like mine. They have faced disappointments and challenges. They have lost loved ones and they have family crises, just like I do. It is this realization that I am not just dealing with enrollment and retention numbers that drives me.<br />
<br />
Where did I get this perspective? From my Liberal Arts education. The Liberal Arts are a record of humanity - of our thoughts, feelings, wisdom, mistakes and missteps, and our greatest moments.<br />
<br />
You see, when we consider how people make decisions and employ better logic skills to our own decisions (Philosophy), when we consider others' cultural and religious backgrounds (Social Sciences, History, and Theology), and we can empathize with what they might be going through (Literature), we can lead and/or serve them more effectively.<br />
<br />
When we realize, as we preside over our little cubicle farms, that the inhabitants of those little boxes, are actual people with lives just like ours, we can change the world. Cubicle dwellers have hopes and dreams, triumphs and tribulations, too. And when we, as managers or co-workers, address those hopes, trials, and triumphs, we gain their trust and we move up in our companies more quickly.<br />
<br />
This is why the Liberal Arts so important and it's the crucial piece that my classmate missed. She didn't want to talk about Machiavelli, Montaigne and Bacon. She didn't really care to know about the early growth of the political and social philosophies that shape our everyday experience here in the 21st century. She didn't see the worth in discussing the earliest writings on Leadership and Change Management. She didn't see the link between <i>The Prince</i> and <i>The New Atlantis,</i> and the boardroom, but I do.<br />
<br />
If you want to succeed, you have to have people follow you.<br />
If you want to have people follow you, you must lead.<br />
If you want to effectively lead, you must know how to inspire.<br />
If you want to inspire, you must know what makes people tick.<br />
If you want to know what makes people tick, you have to study the Liberal Arts.<br />
<br />
And, by the way, in case you're wondering, I'm not starving.<br />
<br />
<i>Art Credit: "<a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Hortus_Deliciarum,_Die_Philosophie_mit_den_sieben_freien_K%C3%BCnsten.JPG#/media/File:Hortus_Deliciarum,_Die_Philosophie_mit_den_sieben_freien_K%C3%BCnsten.JPG">Hortus Deliciarum, Die Philosophie mit den sieben freien Künsten</a>" by Herrad von Landsberg - Hortus Deliciarum. Licensed under Public Domain via <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/">Commons</a>. (Translation: "Philosophy with the seven Liberal Arts")</i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-22302510728218483912015-05-11T13:09:00.002-04:002015-05-11T13:10:38.134-04:00On Expectation and Gratitude - A Stoic reflection on Mother's Day<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CAcFac_ARVE/VVDhmaIl8gI/AAAAAAAADm0/_YUeW0G3h-c/s1600/MomsFlowers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CAcFac_ARVE/VVDhmaIl8gI/AAAAAAAADm0/_YUeW0G3h-c/s320/MomsFlowers.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My flowers? No, they were for my Mom.<br />
But they're lovely all the same.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Yesterday morning I sat with many of my friends in the social hall following mass commiserating about what a disappointment Mother's Day is. On a day when Mothers should feel honored and special for all that they do, all we could do was complain:<br />
<br />
"All I want for Mother's Day is a clean house."<br />
"All I want for Mother's Day is a nap."<br />
"All I want for Mother's Day is for my kids to behave like human beings."<br />
"All I want for Mother's Day is to have my kids at mass with me."<br />
<br />
And everyone together: "Is that too much to ask?"<br />
<br />
I'm not sure when things changed for me. I can remember one Mother's Day, in particular, when I was crushed that my husband hadn't even gotten me a flower. The house was always a wreck. Nothing ever went as planned on Mother's Day and invariably, I was working. I think I have cried on every single Mother's Day since I was married. But this year was different.<br />
<br />
Maybe it's the Epictetus I read earlier this year. Epictetus (c. A.D. 50-130) was a Stoic philosopher of the Hellenistic period. The Stoics believed in controlling the things that are up to us, (like our thoughts, desires and reactions,) and letting go of things that are not up to us, (like other people and things.) Epictetus would have loved the Serenity Prayer.<br />
<br />
This plays out in a few different ways, but by and large the Stoics are known for treating everything generically - nothing is more important than anything else. If your favorite dish breaks, then you should just say, "It was just a dish." and move on. When something that belongs to you passes away from you, be it an object or a person, Epictetus tells us that we should just say "I gave it back." It's almost as if everything is on loan to you. When things come to you, you should appreciate them, but when they pass on, you have to let them go.*<br />
<br />
That's a pretty radical position if you think about it. Epictetus takes this position to its outermost limits in <i>The Encheiridion</i>, saying that when you kiss your wife or your child you shouldn't think of them as "yours" but as "a wife" or "a child". That way, it won't hurt if they are lost to you.** I think this goes too far. It denies the incommunicability of the human person (the idea that every person is unique and cannot be replaced), but there are still lessons we can take from Epictetus.<br />
<br />
One of the most important lessons Epictetus has for us is Fragment 8 - "Do not seek to have events happen to you as you want them to, but instead want them to happen as they do happen, and your life will go well."***<br />
<br />
Yesterday I realized that because I wasn't expecting anything for Mother's Day, I was not going to be disappointed in the way the day played out. Because of that lack of expectation, <i>everything </i>was a gift and I was more grateful and relaxed than I would have been had I been expecting something specific.<br />
<br />
The nap I got, my son and his fiancee coming to Mass with us, the lovely chat with dear friends, the delicious dinner made by my youngest brother, the lovely walk with my husband in the evening --everything was beyond my control and so it came to me as what it should have been: a gift. It was something I didn't ask for but it was given freely as a token of affection.<br />
<br />
I think that in the past, I have set my family up for failure. When I expect great things, sometimes I get them. But often times, life intervenes and makes even the best intentions fall apart at the seams. When things happen on Mother's Day like colds, Houdini-Dog escapes, or freezers being left open accidentally, our yelling and tears and hurt feelings don't change those things. They are out of our control and Epictetus would tell us that we should just let them go.<br />
<br />
I think he might be right about that. It is definitely a much more peaceful way to celebrate the day.<br />
<br />
<i>Want to learn more about Stoic philosophy? Read "<a href="http://amzn.to/1Ex3ASW" target="_blank">The Handbook (The Encheiridion) of Epictetus</a>".</i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">* Epictetus, <i>The Handbook (The Encheiridion)</i>. trans. Nicholas P. White (Indianapolis: Hackett Publishing Company: 1983), 12.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">** Ibid. 12.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">*** Ibid. 13.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-9639412382021700822015-03-26T19:00:00.000-04:002015-04-06T14:51:48.142-04:00Of Dancing and Schooling: How to fund the arts even if you're not a millionaireWhen we think about what makes us human, usually we think of things like reason, problem solving and higher ordered abstract thinking, but one of the essentials we often miss is that unique human search for beauty and the drive to create.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2dbdd5116ffa30a49aa8-c03f075f8191fb4e60e74b907071aee8.ssl.cf1.rackcdn.com/450827_1425924407.3541.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://2dbdd5116ffa30a49aa8-c03f075f8191fb4e60e74b907071aee8.ssl.cf1.rackcdn.com/450827_1425924407.3541.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
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<br />
When we support the arts, we not only support what it means to be a human being, we are fundamentally linked with the creativity that brought forth the universe.When we experience the arts and share them with others, we share a tiny piece of that creation in a way that we could not experience it on our own. We need the artist to create a piece of beauty for us and then we respond to it. Just like this breathtaking picture of a young ballerina aloft, we find ourselves suspended in that moment --even when it has passed, we remember it. It stays with us.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This young lady is <a href="http://www.gofundme.com/lucyhorner?fb_action_ids=10152774766514220&fb_action_types=og.shares&fb_ref=undefined" target="_blank">Lucy Horner</a>.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://2dbdd5116ffa30a49aa8-c03f075f8191fb4e60e74b907071aee8.ssl.cf1.rackcdn.com/450827_1425924576.3894_funddescription.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2dbdd5116ffa30a49aa8-c03f075f8191fb4e60e74b907071aee8.ssl.cf1.rackcdn.com/450827_1425924576.3894_funddescription.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Lucy is a ballerina. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Really. That's her in mid-air at the top of the post.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">(I remember the day this girl was born. Okay, I feel old.)</span></i></div>
<br />
Lucy has been attending BalletMet (Columbus, OH) since she was in fourth grade, and has managed to pay for it with a lot of hard work and scholarships. This year, she landed a spot in the Trainee Program and has danced with the company in three major shows.<br />
<br />
Most of us never consider what it takes to be a performing artist. Most people go to college or trade school or just start working, but the performing arts, especially dance, requires a different skill set.<br />
<br />
This is where Lucy's story comes in.<br />
<br />
Lucy has been accepted to the Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre's Company Experience Program and Summer Intensive Program. It's a professional program, much like a trade school for dancers, that teaches young dancers how to be a part of an performance company. Lucy has been dancing with our local company this year and doing beautifully, but experience with another company is invaluable for a budding young professional's resume - the broader the experience with other styles and instructors, the more well-rounded her training will be.<br />
<br />
Next year, she plans to continue her work with BalletMet or to attend the Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre's Graduate Program. All together, these programs will cost about $10,000. If you hold that next to college tuition for a year, it's fairly comparable. Obviously, this young lady is gifted. And usually, gifted people get scholarships and grants and funding for their dreams. But now that she's a grown-up (she just turned 18) she's got to foot the bill.<br />
<br />
This is where you come in.<br />
<br />
We all want the world to be a more beautiful place, but who's got hundreds of dollars sitting around with no place to go? Not me.<br />
<br />
That's the beauty of supporting an individual artist. You can have a direct impact on the art world and you can help bring a little more beauty to the world by sponsoring an individual artist. Lucy has a <a href="http://www.gofundme.com/lucyhorner?fb_action_ids=10152774766514220&fb_action_types=og.shares&fb_ref=undefined" target="_blank">GoFundMe</a> site where you can read more of her story and most importantly, help this little bird <b>FLY</b>. Every little bit helps. Please be generous.<br />
<br />
<i>Both images - <span style="text-align: center;">(c) Lucy Horner 2015 - used with permission</span></i>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-40495563049918598792015-03-13T13:34:00.002-04:002015-03-16T19:03:13.393-04:00Moving from Subsistence to Success - A Reflection on Habit<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><br /></b>
<b>When you are living in poverty you live in a world of
subsistence. </b>You live from paycheck to paycheck (and sometimes not even from
paycheck to paycheck), but that's not the only way in which you subsist. You
get yourself into the mindset that time is worth more than the material goods
of the world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>After all, what are "things"? You can't take them
with you.</b> Better to store up your treasures in heaven than here on earth where
the proverbial moth and worm can eat them away. And that's all true. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>But does this affect the way that you live in other ways? I
think it does.</b> After all, what you are cultivating is a habit - a habit of
good-enough-ness, of mediocrity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Virtue is defined roughly as the mean between excess and
deficiency </b>and many people take that to mean that you want to have just enough
- not too much and not too little. But a mean is sometimes closer to one end of
that continuum than the other. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Courage, for example, is much closer to rashness than to
cowardice.</b> What I have found in my own life is that that continuum is really
much more like a circle than a line. Excess and deficiency are sometimes so
tangled up in one another that it's hard to know where one ends and the other
begins. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Really, that's a pretty Aristotelian idea, I suppose:<b> excess
and deficiency are both vices</b>. To show how this works, let me share a story. (This is autobiographical and those of you who have been poor may recognize
this)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
There was not enough money to pay all the bills and my kid's
birthday was coming. Rather than pay all of one bill and some of another, I
decided to pay the minimum on each bill and spend the remainder on a somewhat
lavish gift for my child.<br />
<br />
The parent-child relationship took precedence over the
material goods, and that's good, because I have, in some sense, demonstrated
how much my child means to me. Right?<br />
<br />
Wrong, because, in the process of providing momentary
happiness for my child (because I know that gift will break or wear out), I
have also demonstrated how little I consider his overall well-being.<br />
<br />
First of all, I neglected to put his needs for shelter and
heat first. Secondly, the fact that I had to deal with the stress of not having
paid a crucial bill (or even a non-critical one) weighed on me, even though I
was unaware of how much it affected me. It affected the way that I parented - I
was stressed so I was crabby and depressed which put me out of touch with my
child. Thirdly, it showed my child that things are the way in which we
demonstrate love.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>This is how excess and deficiency co-exist in poverty.</b> It's
not as simple as "Oh, there just simply isn't enough money." It's
also, "There's never enough money and I want more." <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Slipping from the deficiency of poverty into the excesses of
avarice and gluttony is an easy thing to do. </b>And it's a cruel trick that Satan
plays -<b> the deficiency feeds the sin and the sin feeds the deficiency.</b> By
playing the game, we habituate ourselves to this lifestyle of subsistence where
the question is not <i>"How do I live a better life?"</i> but <i>"How much
do I need to get by?"</i> By focusing on the lowest point, we aim for the
minimum and achieve mediocrity. And because it's a habit, we tend to stay
there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, at this moment, I am 8 weeks away from graduation. I
have done well. I am a good scholar and will make a fine employee somewhere.
I'd like to go to Grad School and get my MA in Philosophy (well, if we're
aiming high, I'd like my Ph.D. - but that's truly a pipe dream). The reality of
financing it, however, is not so easy. As a woman in my mid-forties, there will
not be enough time to pay back the loans I'd have to take out, and the job
market is not particularly favorable for Philosophy professors.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>As I search for a job, I have been looking for jobs I could
fill without too much trouble. </b>The goal, of course, is to get hired so that I
can go to school and have it paid for. But, rather than aiming for the top of
my skill set, I have been aiming at the bottom, or, optomistically, the middle.
I just want a job - any job - just enough to get by. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was on my way home this morning when I realized what I was
doing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I am living out the same subsistence habit I developed as a
parent. </b>I have fought to be the best in my studies. I have written from the
heart and become a better person for it. I have worked to change my life and
renovate my ideas. I have wrestled with my Faith and come out stronger in my
love for God than I was before, yet, I still don't trust myself.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>That has to change. And it has to change now.</b><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is important to realize that while God doesn't want me to
put material possessions before my relationships, some of those material needs
are essential to raising a healthy family. Not everyone is called to a life of
poverty, just like not everyone is called to a life of wealth (and,
consequently, responsibility). But, just like the parable of the talents tells
us, those who squander their opportunities will have what little they get taken
from them and given to another.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>God has given me opportunities and talents and I have to trust Him (and
myself) to make the most of them. </b>It's a scary ride, friends. It takes courage
to step outside of what you know, to believe that you really could succeed, to
believe that God has something for you that is bigger than you can imagine and
you <b>really can </b>do it.<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-22290256142911517702015-02-27T09:09:00.000-05:002015-02-27T09:09:14.098-05:00Gratitude - The Antidote to AttitudeOne of the big pushes I have seen around the interwebs is the grateful hashtag and I have participated off and on over the past couple of years - more off than on as of late, though.<br />
<br />So today, I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It's payday and I have a mountain of bills to catch up and I went online to pay them only to find that our debit card is inexplicably locked. I have class and work and wanted coffee with frothed milk, but my frother is missing. My daughter is trying to get her life back on track after a nasty court battle and is moving a bunch of stuff from place to place today, so naturally the weather is the usual cold (VERY cold) grey and dreary Ohio weather and I am just plain worn out.<br />
<br />
Crabby Katie is in the house.<br />
<br />
As I sat pondering all the ways in which the world was not cooperating with my plans for the day I logged onto Facebook to complain and the first thing I saw after posting was a #grateful post. It stopped me in my tracks.<br />
<br />
No, things are not going the way I want them.<br />
Yes, I have many things to be grateful for. When I started counting them, I realized that these small inconveniences were just that - small inconveniences and I began to feel much less oppressed and crabby. So, as the snow continues to fall and my day rolls out I will be remembering a few things:<br />
<br />
1) <b>Today is my parents' 47th Anniversary </b>- I am grateful that they said "yes" to each other so they could say "yes" to my brothers and sister and I.<br />
<br />
2) <b>I get paid to do a job that I love to do -</b>I could be mucking out stalls, but I'm not.<br />
<br />
3) <b>I have a beautiful family of my own who loves me </b>- Though they try my patience sometimes, they are my reason to get up in the morning. Especially this guy:<br />
<br />
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What are you grateful for today? One small spark of gratitude can start a fire to warm a cold heart.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-41782405839596673272014-11-06T11:30:00.000-05:002014-11-06T11:30:00.578-05:00#SmallSuccess - My Head is Spinning!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's been a busy few (several) weeks since I posted anything at all, but I am finally back to doing some light blogging at CatholicMom.com after a sabbatical over the summer to work on my book. I'm excited about the book, but life being unpredictable and all that, I didn't as much done as I wanted to. But, I learned a lot about how much I still need to learn.<br />
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I only have one more semester to finish my Bachelor's, so I may be popping up here and there, but I am really concentrating on my studies at the moment. If you have some spare prayers, I'll take them, and let me know if I can pray for you, too.<br />
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1. Got my post for CatholicMom.com done and in the review box (mostly) on time and no one had to yell.<br />
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2. Completed the Seminar Paper for my Directed Study on Ancient Philosophy. Fourteen Glorious Pages of Philosophy. If you're curious about how the Ancient Greek Philosophers used music as a tool for education and building character (or at least my take on it) hit me up. I'll send you a copy.<br />
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3. I have now dropped over 40 pounds since April and still going strong! But the small success here is getting rid of the extra clothes: I am working on whittling down my wardrobe as I shrink out of things. It's going pretty well. I donated another bag of clothes last night.<br />
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I only have one more semester to finish my Bachelor's, so I may be popping up here and there, but I am really concentrating on my studies at the moment. If you have some spare prayers, I'll take them, and let me know if I can pray for you, too.<br />
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Got some small things you accomplished this week? It can be anything from getting the laundry actually put away to sitting and enjoying time with your spouse. Share 'em if ya got 'em!<br />
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Link here to CatholicMom.com to share your Small Successes!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-20137164149275568042014-06-19T09:31:00.000-04:002014-06-19T09:31:20.716-04:00#SmallSuccess: Write 'Til You Drop<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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All my small successes this week are writing related. Even though I am on sabbatical at Catholic mom, I am a writing fool!<br />
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1. Finished my first draft of my book (Working title: <i>A Pew-Sitter's Guide to Catholic Music</i>). I am <b>super </b>excited and <b>super </b>nervous about this. It's like having my first child all over again.<br />
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Many thanks to Jen Fitz for the inspiration for the topic and the "mean friend" chops to help keep me motivated. You can read some of the preview work <a href="http://beautifulmusicchallenge.blogspot.com/search/label/Pew-Sitter's%20Guide" target="_blank">here</a>. Many thanks, also, to the people who commented on those posts. It was really good to have the encouragement and some challenges to my ideas, too!<br />
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2. Finished my first paper for my Summer Philosophy class on Pythagorean music theory.<br />
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Yep, it's true. I am obsessed with music and how it mirrors the constitution of the world and the individual soul. All of God's creation is a marvel and everything points us back to Him.<br />
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3. Submitted a couple of stories for publication in places where I might get paid.<br />
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That'd be a nice thing, I think. Let's see if they agree. I have put this off for more than two years because I was so afraid of the rejection. I finally decided to grow a backbone and just do it.<br />
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You know how when you've been sitting too long and you get up and stretch and it feels crazy good? Yeah. That stretch felt really good.<br />
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<a href="http://catholicmom.com/2014/06/19/small-success-thursday-surprised-by-joy/" target="_blank">Your turn! Share 'em if ya got 'em!</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-8619016973825879972014-06-12T12:49:00.003-04:002014-06-12T12:49:52.899-04:00Music, Naptime and Prayer by AssociationMy grandson has a habit of listening to music as he sleeps.<br />
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When he was very small, he used to listen to Enya's "Shepherd Moons" album. If you don't know the magic that is this album and you're a mom, you need to learn about it. My daughter posted pictures of her living room one day during naptime - everyone was asleep - cats, teenagers, daddy, and the baby Her caption? "Enya means naptime for all species."<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mercury is sacked out. Again.</td></tr>
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True story.<br />
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But, eventually her little prince could outlast the soothing tones of the Irish chanteuse and so my daughter had to up the ante. She brought out the big guns: The Benedictines of Mary (Ephesus, Mo.). His favorite night-night album is "Angels and Saints at Ephesus". I have to concur. He's a smart lad, that one. I reviewed it <a href="http://beautifulmusicchallenge.blogspot.com/2013/06/repertoire-simplify.html" target="_blank">here</a> and I have to say, it's my favorite of the three they've released.<br />
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So, now the album plays on repeat for about 2-3 hours during the day and all night. I can hear it now as I am writing. And even though I am not paying attention to the words, the peace of the prayer that the nuns are singing seeps into my sub-conscious and makes things, well...better.<br />
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Life is stressful. It's complex and challenging. Surrounding yourself with prayer, even by association, helps to combat that tension. I am sure there are real reasons why this works. I am not a music therapist and couldn't tell you for certain. But I suspect it's the subject matter and the tempo, which generally stays right between 70 - 90 beats per minute (right around the speed of a heartbeat). And, of course, it's beautiful.<br />
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<i>To hear samples from this album and/or buy it, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00C6705WI/ref=as_li_qf_sp_asin_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00C6705WI&linkCode=as2&tag=thebeaumusich-20" target="_blank">click here</a>. I don't think you'll be sorry.</i><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-48649602448150776022014-06-07T12:42:00.000-04:002014-06-07T12:42:11.324-04:00Lazy, Lonely SaturdayIt sounds a little boring, but it's just what I needed: A lazy, lonely day to read and think.<br />
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The girls and grandson are off helping with a move. My husband is at work and my parents are off to a concert in the northern part of the state. It's just me and the kitties today. I have reading and writing to do, but somehow, they just needed to sit by the wayside and wait for me to catch up.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-C--lIewIE5U/U5NAt1kr5xI/AAAAAAAACE4/jT5aWnxH00s/s1600/shhhfingertolipsjpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-C--lIewIE5U/U5NAt1kr5xI/AAAAAAAACE4/jT5aWnxH00s/s1600/shhhfingertolipsjpg.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a>Sometimes all the things that crowd my time and compete for my attention, even if they are good things, crowd out my thoughts. Then, I become ineffective and stressed out. One of my friends tells me this is because I am an introvert. I don't know - I like people. I love to visit with my friends and to talk for hours and hours, but somewhere deep down, I long for quiet solitude.<br />
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It's not really loneliness (I can be more lonely in a crowd). It's more like a retreat. I think that's one of the reasons that Adoration is such an effective prayer form for me. It allows me time to just Be. I have to be quiet and I have to listen.<br />
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I have been studying the pre-Socratic philosophers for the past four weeks and read in a secondary source that the Pythagoreans believed that silence was divine. Of course, the only primary fragments we possess from this school are those of Philolaus, who really says nothing about silence being divine, but I think they probably did believe that. If moderation and the study of the smallest clues that Nature gives us to seduce us into discovering her secrets is what you're after, then observing them in silence makes sense.<br />
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It's the same with Prayer.<br />
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When I shut up and hold still (which isn't often!) I can actually hear the world around me. I pay attention to and address the small things that help me head off big problems that might follow later. I give myself time to think and plan a course of action instead of rushing head-long into something I'll regret later. Through prayer, I find the small things about myself that need amending and being quiet gives me the mental clarity to see what needs to change and how best to change it.<br />
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So, while I didn't get much of my reading done for the week, I spent a good bit of time unpacking the past week. Now, I have a direction and a plan for the coming week and with my batteries recharged, I'm ready to take it on.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4485570493745333430.post-26637557789204187492014-06-05T09:00:00.000-04:002014-06-05T09:06:53.689-04:00#SmallSuccess: Beating Stress at Its Own GameStress can cripple me.<br />
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I simply hide in my bed (or in a book or a project) and let the day just roll out as it will. But the fact of the matter is that hiding from stress rarely solves any problems, but rather, creates many more down the road.<br />
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But stress can help me, too. It can motivate me to get things done and sometimes it warns me that my priorities are out of sync.<br />
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This week I experienced grace under pressure with a few situations I faced down. And the unifying factor was prayer. When I place the stress in Jesus' lap, somehow it all works out.<br />
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Stress can be a very bad thing, but properly handled it can be a motivator. It's that "properly handled" thing that always gets me, though. So this week, my Small Successes have to do with facing problems squarely and handling them as best I can. Here's what I learned:<br />
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1) I went to confession.<br />
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Yes, this was stressful. No, it should not have been. I had gotten away from saying my prayers <b>first thing</b> in the morning and going to a daily mass at some point during the week. And, I had given up going to Adoration, too. When I'm not putting God first, I sure do feel it. And so does everyone else around me!<br />
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That was my first lesson for the week: <b>Handle Stress With Prayer.</b><br />
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2) I signed my contract for the Dublin Irish Festival, reviewed the program for the Mass in Irish and even made a phone call and talked to an actual person.<br />
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These are all huge steps for me. Interpersonal interaction scares me. What if someone doesn't like me? What if I do something wrong? So, I put off little tasks like phone calls and emails because I might not do it perfectly. I know: Silly.<br />
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My perfectionism is a rejection of God's control in my life. It's me saying, "I've got this, Lord." And when I do that, I dismiss the grace that God has to give me to help me. The perfection game, is related to the stress game in my experience. When I put too much importance on small things, they become big things. Like links in the chains that bind me, the little things can keep me from going places just as surely as the shackles of the big things.<br />
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That was my second lesson for the week: <b>Don't Pile Up The Small Stuff.</b><br />
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3) I handled a family problem that needed to be addressed and didn't lose my cool.<br />
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Anger is my biggest weakness. Circumventing it is not my strong suit. So, when a family situation arose and I had to defend someone I love, I was pretty happy that I was clear headed enough to think critically, act decisively and wisely, and to do it all without raising my voice. If I can remain in control of my emotions, then people who try to bully me have no power. It's when I lose my temper that they gain the upper hand. But it's important to remember that I can't do it alone. I can only do it through prayer.<br />
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That was my third lesson: <b>Don't Let Bullies Dictate How You Behave.</b><br />
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All three of these lessons can help beat stress. If I'm <i>reacting </i>instead of being <i>proactive</i>, then I am more likely to feel out of control and stressed out. And, if I have no choice but to react, prayer works wonders.<br />
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<b>Okay, <a href="http://catholicmom.com/2014/06/05/small-success-thursday-summer-joy/" target="_blank">your turn</a>! Share 'em if ya got 'em!</b><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06930178467943742640noreply@blogger.com3