Lawn Chair Catechism Session 13: Humility, Trust and Obedience

This is the final post in the Series, Lawn Chair Catechism for CatholicMom.com. Be sure to check in over there to see how this series has worked in other people's journey toward becoming more intentional disciples.

I have been very lucky to have been on a journey with my husband of 22 years (that's right, next weekend is our anniversary) and I have never really felt alone in my quest. In fact, my husband has been the one to set my feet back on the path time and time again. But, even so, the commonality of purpose among other families (you know, the people who don't leave their shoes in the middle of my living room floor) is very important for feeding my faith.

I was very blessed to find such people when I was still a young mother. There was prayer, discussion, advice, hugs, lots of coffee and lots of love. These are the friends who grieved with us and offered pilgrimages and fasting for our family through some of the most devastating trials a person can imagine. These are the friends who rejoiced when my husband and I put our lives back together, even when members of our own family couldn't understand why we would try again. I treasure their friendships and, though I don't attend Mass with them anymore, I still hold them close in my heart and in my prayers. And when I have the chance to see them, it's like we were never apart.

But, sometimes, you get called where you don't want to go. Sometimes, you get called to walk that path alone for a while. Not because God wants you to be lonely, but because he wants you to really rely on him for your sustenance.  And that's where I am now.

It's not that there are no disciples in my current parish. It's that they all have a completely different experience of life than I do. They are either much older than I am or have a completely different social background. And, as often as I reach out to connect, the connection seems somehow false or inauthentic. It shouldn't be, because we all worship together. We pray together. Their faith and their desire for discipleship is real and I even have friends, but there's a distance that I can't traverse.

Until recently, I had a connection with the Pastor, but this summer we got a new pastor. Of course,with the new pastor have come changes. Some of those changes I am very uncomfortable with. So now, the gulf seems even greater than before. I feel pushed out and abandoned. I feel completely isolated.

And it hurts. Actually, it aches.

Is it time to move on? Should I move aside and let someone who has new ideas and a call to share their gifts with the parish take my place? Have I made my music ministry an idol, as Elizabeth Scalia suggests in her book, "Strange Gods". I am back in school studying something completely new: English, not Music. This is a complete departure from the life I've been living for the past 25 years. I am also a newly-minted empty nester with a grandchild. There are so many possibilities. Do I throw myself into something new, or am I supposed to just stay where I am?

As I have been mulling over how to fix the problem, I have spent a great deal of time in front of the Blessed Sacrament thinking about what to do. Sometimes the noise in my head is so loud that I can't even keep the lines of communication with myself open, much less with God.  But yesterday, in a moment of clarity, I realized that I have been much more concerned with what I want, than what God is calling me to do. All the noise in my head is my own making and if I will just be still, if I will just listen, I will hear. It's not my problem to fix. As usual, I have taken everything on myself and said, "That's okay, God. Hang on. I've got this."

No, I have to have help. Because without God's help that path is terrifying.

Jesus promises that his yoke is easy and his burden is light, but first we have to accept that burden. I have been spending so much time creating my own burdens that I have completely cast off his. It's when we try to walk that road alone, without Jesus, that the yoke becomes hard, the way becomes rocky and narrow, and we fall into despair.

Obedience is never easy. It's especially hard for head-strong ladies like me because it requires true humility. But, it's essential to the life of a disciple. You must humble yourself in order to obey. And you must obey because God would never lie to you. He would never lead you astray.

Thankfully, God is patient with me. He just keeps calling and when I finally accept the burden he gives me, things look much better. So, while having companions on the journey is an important part of the path to God, it's not the only way. Sometimes, you just have to learn to rely on God alone.

How will I continue the work I've begun this summer? For right now, I plan to stay put. This is where God put me and this is where I am needed. The Sisters and I plan to begin our English Bible Class in September and we'll see where that takes us next. I am hoping that working with a smaller community within the parish and building our faith and knowledge together will help bridge that chasm I am feeling. For right now, I am just walking the path until God shuts doors and trying to remember to be humble and obedient.

Lawn Chair Catechism Session 12: Close Encounters

This week in Lawn Chair Catechism we're talking about charisms and how we use those to reach out and touch people who are on the way toward a deeper relationship with Christ. Feel free to join the discussion over at CatholicMom.com.

Super cool pic of the Gifts of the Holy Spirit.
Music is not one of these gifts, but that's my gift.
How does that work? 

The most obvious of my gifts is my singing voice. I have truly been blessed with a beautiful voice. I don't even really have to work at it. I've been singing since I was 3 years old and I have been in a church choir (in some capacity) since I was 7. Most of my prayer life revolves around music, in fact.  I find that if I am praying, often I am struck by a song and I feel the need to just let it out. Sounds crazy, I know, but it's the truth.

My husband tells me that music is my charism. I never really believed him until recently, but it makes sense. I hold an Associate of Arts degree, not in music, yet my musical career is full. God has placed me where he wants me. It wasn't where I expected to be and certainly wasn't where I thought I'd be as a teenager dreaming of the stage.


I use my music as a tool for prayer and catechesis. When I am selecting music, I try to make sure that the content is solid (as any good music director would) and I try to be sure that it will lead the congregation into deeper prayer as we celebrate the Eucharist together. When I teach a new piece to the choir, I go through the words and talk about what they actually mean. I encourage them to pray the words, not just sing them mindlessly. Sometimes I even suggest that they take the words home and pray them as part of their daily prayers during the week. As a result, often, I find myself in catechetical discussions with the members of my choir even when we're not at choir practice.


Music is Trinitarian in a way that no other form of prayer is.  When you sing a hymn, you are engaging your body (through the physical practice of singing), your mind (through the reading and processing of the words) and your soul (through the unification of the music and the prayer contained in the words). When I conduct, I immerse myself in the prayer that is music. I know that my conducting is not great. I know that I miss little details of the choir's "performance" that could improve it. But, I have found that if they are praying the song, not just singing along, God takes care of the rest.

Obviously, I disciple my choir members, but there is so much more I could do across the parish. One of the things that occurred to me is that I could write a short piece each week for the parish bulletin to encourage people to understand and pray the words of the hymns we sing on Sunday, much in the same way I do it for the choir.  Some of the old hymns that we sing regularly are so beautiful, but people don't understand what they are singing. Unpacking the meaning for them might unlock the prayer within the lyrics and help them more closely encounter Jesus in the Eucharist.

Lawn Chair Catechism Session 11: Do Tell: The Great Story of Jesus

As part of the continuing Lawn Chair Catechism series on "Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus" by Sherry Weddell over at CatholicMom.com, I am joining the discussion here on "The Backs of People's Heads and Baby Faces". Take a look over at CatholicMom.com to see what we're talking about this week and feel free to drop in with your thoughts here or at CatholicMom, or even on your own blog.

This week we're talking about telling the story of Jesus. Having grown up in a neighborhood where everyone went to church and we had round robin VBS opportunities all through the Summer at the local Baptist, Lutheran and Methodist churches, I can't really remember a time as a child when I didn't know the story of Jesus.

I went to Catholic school where just about everyone was Catholic and we all went to Mass every Sunday and everyone "knew about Jesus". It was so woven into the fabric of my world, that it never seemed like a new idea. And, because of that, I don't believe I have EVER told the story of Jesus to anyone. Not even my kids. Well, not consciously.

We talked about it, of course. We talked about why Jesus was born. We talked about why he had to die. We talked about how he rose. And we talk all the time, now, about how he is always right there with us. But everything was in bits and pieces.

As an adult, when I began to rebuild my own faith, the story of Jesus never even figured into my studies. I wanted to find out more about the Bible, the Sacraments, Social Teaching and the Saints. I wanted to know what made it all tick. And truly, I think I got lost looking for trees, while standing in the forest.

I think that's one of the strengths of the program that the Sisters run in our parish. The bible courses are not just a "bible study" where you take one book of the bible and dissect it. As I understand it, they start with the Story of Jesus and then they go back and tell the story of Salvation History. It's important even for those of us who "know all that". Maybe it's especially important.

One year, when I was in my twenties, I went to the entire Easter Triduum. I had never been to all three parts of it. It was immersing myself in the drama of the Passion of Christ and his Glorious Resurrection that woke me up to the fact that this is REAL. It's not a fairy tale. It's not a myth. It's reality. So, even though I "knew" the story. I never knew the real story. Suddenly, I was paying attention. It was seeing everything I knew in context that gave me a jolt. But it never occurred to me that it was something that I needed to share with anyone else.

So, that's where I am right now: sitting here gobsmacked thinking, "Well, duh!"

Lawn Chair Catechism Session 10: Break the Silence

 As part of the continuing Lawn Chair Catechism series on "Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus" by Sherry Weddell over at CatholicMom.com, I am joining the discussion here on "The Backs of People's Heads and Baby Faces". Take a look over at CatholicMom.com to see what we're talking about this week and feel free to drop in with your thoughts here or at CatholicMom, or even on your own blog.


When looking at the title of this session, I was initially confused by the questions posed this week since they had nothing to do with talking, but everything to do with listening.

If no one is listening to your question, do you still have one?

Two weeks ago, when I said I was Queen of the Introverts, I wasn't kidding. But that doesn't mean I'm quiet. Oh no...I am far from quiet. I never shut up.

You see, if you talk all the time, then you never have to figure out what to do with the feelings and thoughts of anyone else. You can shut them out and never feel awkward or at a loss. Right?

If you talk all the time, you never have to listen to your heart.
If you talk all the time, you never have to be alone with your thoughts.
If you talk all the time, you never have to encounter anything bigger than you, like, say, God.

I have written on Silence (here and here). I work with music to promote silence. It is the balance of silence and sound that gives music such power. And that's all fine when I am working with a congregation within the confines of the liturgy.But put me in a room of people and I am a chattering magpie. Why?

I think the answer lies in not knowing what I should say. Or, more precisely, what I should NOT say.

Here's the question set for this week:

Have you ever listened to a “threshold conversation”? What was it like? Can you think back to a time when perhaps you should have listened supportively and asked clarifying questions, and instead you jumped in with catechesis, or apologetics, or giving personal advice?

Ha! Like, all the time. I have my Catechism of the Catholic Church on my phone, for heaven's sake. Catechesis saved my faith! But, not everyone is in that same spot. I knew that with my head, but never really accepted it with my heart.

Unlike me, some people have all the catechesis and just can't make all the pieces fall into place. They focus on one little oddity and obsess over it until it drives a wedge between them and God. That's actually the threshold conversation I had most recently with a friend.

We all go through little conversions throughout our lives. In our striving to be ever closer to God, like an onion, we continually peel back our skins and find a new layer that needs to be healed. My friend is having a new conversion moment and is delving into some deeper philosophical ideas.

At first, my husband and I tried to help her with facts and information, but it wasn't helping. She was just getting more mired in the clay of her own thoughts. It wasn't until I stopped and just listened that I was really able to understand that I didn't know what the question was.

You can't answer a question that hasn't been asked. You can't solve a problem that hasn't been defined.

That's why I need to shut up more often.

Last night I was talking with some friends from my old parish. We are preparing to sing a Mass in Irish this weekend. After practice, I invited everyone to come with us to have some pizza. Over the last four weeks, it's become a "thing" we do.

We were talking about what made our old parish such a powerful spot for conversions and growth in vocations. After much discussion, we finally put our finger on it: People weren't putting their faith into a box. It wasn't packaged up in small groups of people with like interests. It wasn't about "the youth group" or "the young adult group" or the "new converts".

The Faith was lived. It was breathed. It was socialized about. It wasn't part of our life. It was our life.

I don't think anyone ever trained us to be disciples. I think we just were following along and watching how the Dominican Fathers did it.

We would sit in 24-hour restaurants after Adoration until the wee hours of the morning talking about the Faith. After RCIA and choir, we sat coffee shops until midnight with our priests. We asked questions and got answers. It was as much a part of our social life as it was about our time at the Church. We got together at each other's houses and talked about the faith. As we grew in our faith, our friends became our family. We shared each others joys and suffering.

The opportunities just presented themselves, or so I thought.

Upon further reflection, I see that's not really so. They were created, but not with a calendar or checklist. The common thread was prayer. Every time. Just like last night.

When the disciples on the road to Emmaus encountered Jesus and recognized Him in the breaking of the bread,, they talked with each other about how their hearts were burning before the set off to share the news with the Apostles.

So, I'm going to go pray. I'm going to invite people to come pray with me. Then, I'm going to invite the people I just prayed with to go have coffee (breakfast, pizza...whatever).

We'll talk about life.
We'll talk about the weather.
We'll talk about recipes.
Heck, we'll talk about politics.
But, we will eventually get to the Faith. I promise.

Lawn Chair Catechism: Session 9: Seeking and Discipleship

I was content to follow Jesus to the edge of the beach,
but not to follow him up the road to Jerusalem.

Join us at CatholicMom.com for this week's installment of Lawn Chair Catechism, based on Sherry Weddell's Forming Intentional Disciples.  

In this chapter, Weddell addresses the final two thresholds of conversion: Seeking and Discipleship. Both are active states of being, but are divided only by that final "Yes! I will follow you!" to Jesus.  Weddell discusses ways to encourage seekers to take that final step to becoming disciples such as encouraging acts of mercy and providing a variety of different types of prayer to foster that real, solid relationship that discipleship ultimately brings.

Weddell asks if we are ready to acknowledge that some leaders in our diocese or parish might not actually be disciples of Jesus. My answer to that is a big, "WELL YES!"

If you've read any of the rest of my posts in this series, you know that I was born and raised a Catholic. I came up through 12 years of the best "Catholic" education money could buy. And, yet, I left the Church at 18. Why? Because the people I encountered, who were teaching me what it was to be a disciple, had no idea what being a disciple entailed! Or maybe they did and just simply could not make themselves give in.

Following Jesus would have meant putting down their nets of tangled ideas and personal opinions on the shore, and doing things God's way. Still today, when I meet those people, I am struck by their absolute refusal to bend their necks to God's will for their lives. They prefer, instead, to buck his yoke and carry their own much heavier burdens, angry and resentful every step of the way. It makes me angry when I consider that they have passed this ideology along to me, my classmates, my friends and my family members. But ultimately, it makes me sad.

It makes me sad to the point of tears when I see them flinging their weight against immovable burdens, just like I have for so many years. Those burdens are so much easier if we allow Jesus into our lives in a very real way. And here's where the tough part comes: I have to forgive them. I have to pray for them and I have to put my own nets down and be a light to them. Much easier said than done.

I am just now, just in the past 18 months (to the day) on a journey that is taking me some place closer to Jesus. I spent my 20s and 30s learning about God. now I am learning who He is (information vs. formation). I needed that information in order to make the formation work, but, instead of getting it when I was a kid or a teen, I had to go find it myself. Like Thomas, I had to see those nail prints and put my hand in his side. I had to know before I could believe.

This is not the first time I've been invited to follow Jesus. No, far from it. But this past year and a half is the first time I followed him further than the edge of the sand on the beach. I wasn't prepared to walk that road to Jerusalem with him. I wasn't prepared to accept the small sufferings that he gave me and, instead, I made much larger, harder ones for myself. It's funny, the crosses we make for ourselves are always much heavier than the ones God gives us.

So, now, after completing two-thirds of this series, I realized I have been called. I lead a group every week in prayer. I coach them and teach them to hear and think about and pray the words they sing, but apparently, that is not enough for God. He has another idea.

A few weeks back, when we talked about Grace and The Great Commission, the combox discussion revolved around what kind of catechesis was necessary. I told the commenter that the Missionary Servants of the Word Sisters had a program that they ran in our parish that was working wonders in our Spanish-speaking community. We have increased our one Spanish Mass to three comfortably full Spanish Masses each week over the last five years. It has really lit a fire in our Spanish-speaking community!  But, those classes have never been offered in English at our Parish. After reflecting on it for the next two weeks, I realized that it needed to happen.

I didn't want to get involved, though. I'm a busy woman, after all, you know. I wanted someone else to do it. I hinted to others in the parish that it would be a great thing to do. They all nodded politely and smiled.  "Oh, please, Lord, pick someone else," I thought.

I fought God on this one tooth and nail. I was not going to leave the beach. I wanted to still have my eyes on those nets, I guess. But, you can only ignore God for so long. He keeps tapping you on the shoulder until he has your undivided attention. Finally, I knew, I was supposed to do this.  So, finally, I asked Sister and we started the ball rolling.

For me, this really is jumping off into the raging waters. I know how Peter must have felt when he hopped out of that boat to walk across the water to Jesus. But if I can just keep my eyes on Jesus, maybe I won't notice the wind and the waves.

Lawn Chair Catechism Session 8: Openness (and a little Trust and Curiosity, too)

For happiness I long have sought,
And pleasure dearly I have bought
I missed for all, but now I see
'Tis found in Christ the Apple Tree
"Jesus Christ the Apple Tree" - Author Unknown

As part of the continuing Lawn Chair Catechism series on "Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus" by Sherry Weddell over at CatholicMom.com, I am joining the discussion here on "The Backs of People's Heads and Baby Faces". Take a look over at CatholicMom.com to see what we're talking about this week and feel free to drop in with your thoughts here or at CatholicMom, or even on your own blog.

I am the Queen of Introverts. Openness is really very hard for me in human situations, but even harder in spiritual ones. It's hard to be open to something you can't see or touch.  And I don't think I'm alone in having a hard time opening my mind to the possibility that God might actually have something to say to me in prayer.

It's been said that familiarity breeds contempt and I think that's where many cradle Catholics find themselves in their prayer life.

Jesus is there.
Yep. Sure. Got that. Check.

But it's so much more than a checkbox. We've talked about intimate encounters with God. We've talked about the intimacy of the Sacraments and how that actually changes us. No, it's not a magic trick. but it does leave a permanent mark on our souls. I think that Catholics who look around them and see the chaos in their lives eventually realize, if they are quiet enough, that that little voice is actually God calling them to something better and deeper.

It took me almost 20 years to reconcile myself to the fact that Jesus was more than just a historical figure and God was more than a Super Cop who watched every bad thing you did and kept track. Only recently did I really come to terms with the Holy Spirit being more than just a bird or a flame. Each person of the Trinity has a distinct personality and a unique character. And I actually experience each one differently in my prayer life. But it took openness to hear that call and to know that I needed to get to know the Trinity.  Personally. Intimately. And there's still so much to learn.

I have taken the past two weeks off from Lawn Chair Catechism while focusing on my jobs, but I have kept up with the discussion in my head. I considered what made me first take that initial step of trust to come back to the Church and then what made me curious enough to ask questions.  The thing I keep coming back to is the Mass.

As I've said, I had a variety of different influences throughout my formative years in terms of my Catholic Faith. Some were good. Some had really wandered off the reservation. When I discovered that I could find and study church teaching and I found priests that backed it up with solid homilies and good spiritual counsel, I knew I'd struck gold. Something just rang true and I began to trust them. I listened. I considered. And when I was ready, I asked questions. But, really, until I was open to the answers I got, I never understood. That took much longer.

Trust is something that we can foster on a parish level. Kindness and gentle humor go a long way to lowering the boxing gloves people put up to protect themselves. People hate to be wrong. They hate it more than anything else in the world. That's why the customer is always right in the retail world. But when dealing with religion, not everyone can be right. Otherwise, why be Catholic?

But, pinning them to the mat for their lack of knowledge or understanding is not the way to show them that God is calling them to a closer, more intimate relationship. Treating people with charity and realizing that everyone is on a journey of their own is crucial to fostering trust within a parish.

Curiosity can be fostered through encouraging discussions and most of all through living your vocation and faith openly and well.  This is something I need lots of work with. You've heard the adage: "Smile: it will make people wonder what you're up to." That's true of fostering curiosity about your Faith, too. If people see you and think, "Wow! What a happy person. I wonder why she's so happy." They will eventually ask you.  When they do, it's time to speak the Truth. In fact, it's essential. Don't sugar coat it. Even if they aren't really ready to hear the truth the first time, or even the second time, don't stop answering the question.  When someone at one of these thresholds asks a question, they want a real answer. Even if they don't agree, they want the Truth.

Fostering openness is a tougher nut to crack because it has to come from within each of us individually. You can't make anyone be open and forcing them can make them feel manipulated or tricked. Then all the hard work you did fostering trust is gone.

I think that openness is an act of operating Grace. It's something that God does for us. It's up to each of us to cooperate with that Grace and listen. There's nothing we can do to make it happen for anyone else but ourselves. We have to leave it in God's hands.  The best way I have found to open my own heart is to spend quiet time with the Lord. The best way to help someone else with it is to pray for them. And both of them point me to Adoration.

Adoration is the single most powerful gift that God has given the Catholic Church. I have seen Eucharistic Adoration transform a parish. Parishes who foster that devotion have a much higher ratio of people who are engaged in their faith, typically. The more Adoration hours that are offered, the better the effect. I have seen parishes who were going off the rails come full circle through Adoration devotions. It's remarkable.

I only recently started going to Adoration again, though I think I always instinctively knew I needed that alone time with Jesus. When I was a teenager, I used to walk over to my parish church (which was always open) and just sit with the tabernacle. Sometimes I'd pray. Sometimes I'd sing. But most of the time, I would just sit kind of like I was soaking up the sun, not realizing that I was soaking up the Son.

As a busy adult, I forgot all about the restoration I would have by spending time alone with Jesus. But in my forties, when searching for a way to turn down the noise and open my heart to what God wants for my life, I ended up spending time in front of the Blessed Sacrament, exposed or unexposed, but always in silence.

So where am I now?

My life is picking up speed again, and my time for contemplative prayer is getting shoved to the side. Still, I can feel God calling me back to silence. I miss it. It's like an ache for a the company of a friend. And no other friend will do in this case. If you asked me five years ago what the biggest roadblock to my prayer life was, I'd have told you that it was time. But actually it's priority. I just have to put God first.

I've been asked by our missionary sisters to begin to study their bible courses with them. Currently, all the classes in my parish are offered in Spanish. They would like to engage the English speakers, but there is no one to lead the charge. I am still wrestling with whether or not I should jump into this. After all, I have a job within the parish as Music Director. I am very busy just juggling 5 masses and 4 employees.

Still, I can hear that voice calling. I suspect it won't be much longer that I can ignore it.

Lawn Chair Catechism Session 5: Grace and the Great Quest

As part of the continuing Lawn Chair Catechism series on "Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus" by Sherry Weddell over at CatholicMom.com, I am joining the discussion here on "The Backs of People's Heads and Baby Faces". Take a look over at CatholicMom.com to see what we're talking about this week and feel free to drop in with your thoughts here or at CatholicMom, or even on your own blog.

It can be hard to settle our minds on the idea of “cooperating with grace”. How would you explain the Catholic doctrine on salvation to others?

What exactly is "cooperating with grace"?

Well, I had to do some studying on this one. I kind of had a notion of "cooperating with grace" but not really a solid understanding. If it's what it sounds like it is (you have to work with the Grace that God gives you,) then I've got this. But if not...well, let's just say my childhood catechesis had holes and I'm still plugging them.

A quick Google search landed me at the "Summa Theologica" (Question 111, Article 2 - if you're following along at home). And it's a bit more involved than my initial analysis. So let me see if I can sum this up and not offend the sensibilities of all my more theologically trained friends.

In my understanding, the gist of it is this:

• God saves us by His Grace.  
• But in order for us to be saved, we have to exercise our free will and turn toward Him and cooperate (work with) with the Grace that he gives to us. 
• We don't cause the Grace to happen by turning toward God, but we allow his Grace to work in us, making us change and work toward good. 
• Operating grace (what God gives us, say, through the sacraments) and cooperating grace are the same thing, but they have different effects on the soul. 
• Therefore, it is essential to receive grace but it is also essential that we change our lives and move toward God in order for that grace to really change us and make us one with God.

Got it? Whew! That's a still a pretty involved definition, though. So, I had to think about how I would explain it to others, but simply. So this is what I came up with:

In order to be saved you must open yourself to the grace of God by repenting of your sins, being baptized and allowing Grace to work on changing your soul and taking you where God wants you, which is ultimately with Him in Heaven. The catch is that you have to do something with the Grace, even if all you have time for is to say "Yes, Lord. I will follow you," before your eyes close for the last time. (Did I touch all the bases?)

If His Grace is suffcient, why do we have to do anything?

I must confess to not reading the book for this project, I am working off of the executive summaries (I know. Bad blogger). Going from the summary, this chapter seems to focus on those entering the Church as adults, but of course, that's not my experience. And because of that, I am much more concerned about evangelizing my fellow cradle-Catholics. Catholics as a group, have gone from knowing we're supposed to be at Mass, but not knowing why, to not being at Mass and not knowing why we should be. We've gone from bad to worse.

That's danger that we, as uninformed and undercatechized Catholics, face. We see the Grace. In fact, that's all we can see. We know it's there for us and many receive it every week. And it's so convenient. Why worry? God gave us His grace and that's enough, right? If I mess up, God's got it. If they even think it through this far, they might even stumble towards a confessional. But most don't because somewhere along the line they got the idea that Confession isn't important.

As a tween, I can remember being told by a well-meaning adult, "You know that part at Mass where we say, 'Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.'? That's all ya need, right there." Oh boy. And I believed him.

Those of us who grew up with the Sacraments have a tendency to take them for granted. Not knowing what those Sacraments do for you, some cradle-Catholics drift away to find places where they are "fed". Sometimes that's another church where they can get some answers. Sometimes it's just being "spiritual but not religious" because all those rules are too hard to follow. (There's that obedience thing again, doggone it.)

Many of us who still attend Mass just kind of go with the flow. We show up for Mass on Sunday without a sense of why we're really there. Are we there to hear some good music? Are we there to see some pretty statues? Are we there to hear some good preaching? Maybe we are there because that's what you do on Sunday morning. Maybe we are there to "get the grace".  But then what do we do with it? We're there in body, but our souls have not been turned toward Christ. The lights are on, but nobody's home.

But we are there to do something, not just sit there soaking up the ambiance. Active participation became a big buzz-phrase in the 70's and 80's. We were encouraged to "Sing!" and "Say the responses!", but Active Participation happens on a whole different level. Active participation doesn't always involve opening your mouth. It involves the opening of the heart. We are there to listen for the still, small voice of God calling us to further conversion, calling us to come closer to Him. Then, at Communion, we do just that.

And now, The Great Quest...

So I guess the question that I would have to ask is, what is God calling you to in the life-long process of your conversion? He's not just calling you to go back to doing whatever it is you were doing before. He's calling you to follow Him. And make no mistake, He has a job for each one of us. It will take courage. It will take obedience. It will take grace.

It's not everyone's job to teach in a classroom. It's not everyone's job to sing. It's not everyone's job to be a Priest or consecrated religious. But it is everyone's job to live their Faith in real and tangible ways, showing with our actions and words, what work God's Grace is doing in us. Our end of the bargain is to keep turning toward God and to work toward the good. That is cooperation with grace. With it, we evangelize by simply doing our job. Without it, our Faith is dead.

Update:
One of the songs that kept playing in my head as I was writing this is "Dear Lord and Father of Mankind". It's a perennial favorite of mine and I wrote a post about it last year at about this time on my music blog. If you like to hear it and read the hymn text (which is a beautiful meditation on discipleship), please click here.

Lawn Chair Catechism - Session 4 - The Fruits of Discipleship

This week, in the Catholic Mom.com Lawn Chair Catechism series, we are considering the Fruits of Discipleship. In Chapter 3, Weddell takes a look at two parishes that are relatively small, but are bursting with life and bringing many vocations to their dioceses.  Weddell tells us that she believes that true discipleship in parishes is not realized because the individuals who are put in charge of parish ministries have not really experienced a true conversion of heart.  Weddell asks us to consider the fruits of discipleship and in doing so to consider our own conversion experience. Feel free to hop over to CatholicMom to join the discussion there, leave a comment here, or even share in the discussion over on your own blog.

My conversion is really a process, not a moment in time and I suspect this is a common experience of conversion for most people. I can point to a few "conversion experience" moments in my journey where I had breakthroughs that formed me into a more intentional Catholic rather than a passive one. Most of those moment involve the Sacraments and really encountering Jesus, in person.

It is no accident that within the rites of most of the Sacraments touch is involved. When the priest stands in persona Christi, it is Jesus touching the recipient, not in a symbolic way, but in a very real and life-changing way. When we are properly prepared and disposed toward reception of the Sacraments, there is great power in the touch of His hand.

We use the word "personal" a lot in these discussions, but really, the experience we have in the sacraments is much more accurately described as intimacy.

Surrendering yourself to God's will for your life (which is what the Sacrament of Penance is all about) is a very intimate act. The laying on of hands in the Sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation, Holy Orders and Anointing of the Sick are also very intimate ways to experience God's grace in our lives. And certainly, one cannot forget the intimacy of Marriage which mirrors the triune nature of God. Here, we even become cooperators in God's creation by bringing forth new life. In the Sacrament of the Eucharist we take the body, blood, soul and divinity of Jesus into ourselves and become one with Him, allowing Him to transform our lives and our souls to be like Him. How much more intimate can we get?

One of the differences that strikes me between the Anglo parishioners and the Latino parishioners where I work is the use of touch in interpersonal relationships.  Midwestern to the core, the Anglos will shake your hand the first time they meet you, but after that it's a nod and smile as greeting.  In the Latino community there is a handshake each time you meet. It is expected.  And if you have become close enough, there is a hug and kiss each time you see each other.  It took me a while to get used to. I always felt uncomfortable with that level of touch.  But truly, as I share in the Eucharist with the people each week, I have come to realize that this is real and necessary intimacy. We are one body, in Christ, after all.

As I was driving to work today and turning these questions over in my head, I got a real sense of being a child of God and what that means. I had a sense of God's hand on my shoulder directing me where He wanted me to go next. I can remember as a child, having my mom or dad put their hand on my shoulder. It meant direction. It meant protection.  We have to make the choice to shake off God's hand or to allow it to guide and protect us. And, like the children that we are, we make that choice each day, and from moment to moment.

Allowing that hand to stay there gives us the Christian Joy and Peace that we seek. Joy doesn't mean giddy, Snoopy-dancing, happiness. Peace doesn't mean the absence of strife. Peace and Joy mean that you know who you are and where you are going, and you are not afraid - even when there is strife. I'm not quite there, yet - that's for sure. Every now and then I quake in my boots over the changes happening in my parish. Then I remember that God has a plan and it's my job to cooperate with it.

Jesus didn't promise that it would be easy to be His disciple. He promised that He would send the Holy Spirit to comfort and guide us. The conduit to that comfort and guidance is active, well-prepared participation in the Sacraments where we intimately encounter God and allow Him to shape us.

Lawn Chair Catechism Week 3: Flyin' My Normal Flag

As part of the continuing Lawn Chair Catechism series on "Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus" by Sherry Weddell over at CatholicMom.com, I am joining the discussion here on "The Backs of People's Heads and Baby Faces". Take a look over at CatholicMom.com to see what we're talking about this week and feel free to drop in with your thoughts here or at CatholicMom, or even on your own blog.

"There is no normal. There is only your life and everyone else's life."

"Everyone is flying their own freak flag. The reality is that everyone has their own "crazy" and everyone has their own "normal".

"Everyone is on their own journey. Everyone has their own reality, so I can't tell them what to think and what to believe. We just have to leave it to the Holy Spirit."

"There is no absolute truth. What's true for you may not be true for someone else."

Chances are good that you've heard at least one of these statements. It's what therapists tell you. It's what politicians tell you. It's even the message I received from many of my religion teachers through the years.

While some of these statements can help you to deal with the idea that the crosses you carry are no easier or harder than someone else's, these statements can also be used to keep us bound and gagged where our faith is concerned. Because, if you really believe that there is no normal and there is no absolute truth, then you have no solid ground on which to plant the flag of your life as a Catholic, much less your efforts to share your faith.

The creeping relativism that we experience as American Catholics - a mish-mash of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and Emily Post's Etiquette - has overwhelmed us under the guise of loving everybody, being polite to everyone and not giving offense to the exclusion of speaking the Truth. Even I will shrink from some discussions in public or on my Facebook wall for fear of offending friends who don't share my worldview.

We tend to want to see things in black and white, but we are a Grayscale People. One size doesn't fit all. One rule is not appropriate for all situations. Not even the "non-rules" listed above fit every situation.

The problem in being Grayscale Catholics is that we risk becoming so light gray in our discussions of faith and morals that we disappear altogether. When we discuss being Intentional Disciples, this is the challenge we face. The answer is grace, education and practice.

In this chapter, Weddell defines "Normal" for us:

• It is NORMAL for lay Catholics to be excited Christian activists.

• It is NORMAL for lay Catholics to be knowledgeable of their faith, the Scriptures, the doctrinal and moral teachings of the Church, and the history of the Church.

• It is NORMAL for lay Catholics to have fellowship of other committed lay Catholics available to them, to encourage, nurture, and discern as they attempt to follow Jesus.

• It is NORMAL for the local parish to function consciously as a house for formation for lay Catholics.

Gee, that's the first time in my life that anyone has ever called me "normal".

Wait a second. I have to soak this in. . . Okay, all done.

My husband and I are famous for our dinnertime conversations. Sometimes, they stretch on into the late evening and they always include anyone who is sitting at our table.  Our kids friends will sometimes be subjected to lessons in history, theology and philosophy at the dinner table. For us, it is completely normal to talk about the world and how it relates to God through the lens of our Catholic Faith.

It never occurred to either one of us that this was not normal. That's how our dinner tables were when we were kids. Our parents would ask us what we were learning in school and then expand on those topics. I think that's one of the reasons that my husband was so strong in his faith and why I was able to find my way home. Nothing was ever a closed topic.

As a married couple, that's also how our friends' families worked. Even if they had been raised in "Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell-Me-About-Your-Faith" homes, dinner discussions, coffee klatsches and doughnut hour after Mass were hotbeds of religious discussion. When we moved from our neighborhood and out to my mom and dad's little town, Mom introduced me to new people who became my new spiritual life line. We surrounded ourselves with people who were just as passionate about God as we were. And it was normal.

When thinking about how I approached my own faith formation and how my husband I and set about building a Catholic culture for our family, I compare it to the story of the "Three Little Pigs":

You have to know you need to build a house.
Nothing in the action of formation happens without Grace. Everything begins with the Sacraments. Without them, nothing else makes sense. Just like the Three Little Pigs had to know they needed shelter, we need to have Divine Guidance on our journey. The only place to get it is through the grace of the Sacraments.

Building faith with no formation and no catechesis is like building our houses of straw. 
When we give our children the gifts of sacramental grace without any further education or discussion, we build their houses of straw. Without some weight and strength, the first stiff breeze will blow the house down.

I am always stunned by people who go to the trouble of making sure their child makes it to PSR class, gets baptized, receives First Holy Communion and gets Confirmed, only to leave them home on Sunday morning. It happens more often that you would think. What lesson does that teach them?

Building their faith with all catechesis and no formation, or all formation and no catechesis, is like building a house of sticks. 
It takes practice in the faith to learn what the catechism means in 'real-time". Faith has to be put into practice and you have to talk about it. Otherwise it has no meaning. It's just a bunch of rules with no point. Formation, the everyday application and discussion of the faith, is essential to bolster the catechism.

Similarly, if you don't know why you are doing what you are doing, it doesn't take too long for your resolve to blow away under the prevailing wind of a good argument. If all you have are the good works and good Christian attitudes as practiced from day-to-day, yet have no idea why you believe what you believe, you are vulnerable.

I can't tell you how many of my friends were sucked away from their faith by groups that attacked the "mindless ritualism" of the Catholic Church.  My friends believed that they didn't need those "mindless rituals." All they needed was a personal relationship with Jesus.  Far from being mindless, in the ritual of the Eucharist, Jesus was calling them to an even deeper, even more intimate relationship, ultimately to become one with God. Good catechesis would have been the key to that knowledge.

Building our faith with the brick of catechesis and the mortar of formation ensures a lasting dwelling place for the Holy Spirit in our lives. 
No matter how many wolves blow and howl at the door, it will be much harder to break in and steal our faith if our house is made of brick.

But here's the trick: As adults, we still need to maintain that brick and mortar, tuck pointing and sealing our houses with constant attention to our prayer lives, reception of the Sacraments, and interaction with like-minded, passionate people.

When we are surrounded be people who don't believe as we do, it erodes our faith. The mortar gives way and the bricks begin to crumble.  If you can't get the tools you need in your parish, search for a good confessor. Search for a group of like-minded bloggers or even a retreat group like Cursillo or Cum Cristo.  But most importantly: Keep talking. Keep studying. Keep seeking. Keep receiving the sacraments.

Wolves sometimes present themselves in sheep's clothing.
As parents, we trust Catholic school educators, PSR teachers, and others to back us up on our goal to raise our children in the faith. Sometimes people let us down. Ask questions and make corrections if needed.

Another wolf to watch out for is the "Be-Nice Wolf." As I mentioned above, this wolf wants you to be quiet and just be nice. It sounds like a plausible idea, until you realize that you have to gloss over the parts that are morally questionable. Think, pray, and discern: Is this a time to speak, or a time to hold my thoughts until there is a better time to speak?

These wolves sneak in through the chimneys of the media, the side door of the workplace and classroom and burst through the door of social media. Study and good company are not enough. That's where the Sacraments come in.

There is a Spanish Christmas Carol that I love to sing at Christmas called "Riu, Riu Chiu"

The translation for part of the first verse is:

The river bank protects it, (a reference to baptism)

As God kept the wolf from our lamb

The rabid wolf tried to bite her

But God Almighty knew how to defend her

He wished to create her impervious to sin

Nor was this maid to embody original sin

The reference is, of course, to the Blessed Mother, but like she always does, Mary shows us just what to do.  We must also fly to God's protection, through the personal encounter with Jesus in the Sacraments to stay strong and be protected against the wolves that find their way to our door.

The goal is to still be here after the wolf passes by.

Lawn Chair Catechism Week 2 - God Has No Grandchildren

As part of the continuing Lawn Chair Catechism series on "Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus" by Sherry Weddell over at CatholicMom.com, I am joining the discussion here on "The Backs of People's Heads and Baby Faces". Take a look over at CatholicMom.com to see what we're talking about this week and feel free to drop in with your thoughts here or at CatholicMom, or even on your own blog.

The Tree of Life my soul hath seen
Laden with fruit and always green.
The trees of Nature fruitless be
Compared with Christ the Apple Tree.
"Jesus Christ the Apple Tree" - Author Unknown

Have you always been Catholic? How did the instruction and mentoring you received help you – or prevent you – from having a personal relationship with God?

Cradle Catholic or Intentional Catholic?

I said last week that I was a cradle Catholic. There are people out there who don't like that term because it infers that you inherited your Catholic Faith with the family silver. Most of us who still attend Mass and are active in our parishes are much more intentional than that with our choice of Faith communities. So, while I can see their point, the term still applies to many of us. If you are a "cradle Catholic" you were raised in a home where the faith was not only practiced, but lived. My parents tried their best, but were thwarted by the very people that were supposed to help them.

Frankly, the biggest challenge to my faith was the instruction and mentoring I received (or rather didn't receive) in my Catholic school career.  There are great Catholic schools out there, of course, but I didn't attend them. I had so many different things and different points of view represented by the authority figures in my life.  The pastor at my church openly embraced "women's reproductive rights" (read: artificial birth control should be allowed and abortion is a woman's right). He and the rest of the "ministry team" signed a New York Times ad in the early 80's to that effect.  My mother, a poorly catechized convert and a my father, cradle Catholic were just trying to find their way through the fog of bad teaching and bad liturgy. With no solid footing and nothing they could grab on to in the flood they got lost in the mire, too.

Then there were the teachers in my school who taught us all kinds of amazing things. By the end of my sophomore year theology class, entitled "Social Morality and the Sacraments," I knew more about Jean Donovan and the war in El Salvador than I did about the Sacraments.  I had a good background in Kuebler-Ross's Stages of Grief, though. Never fear.

I left the church at 18, as soon as I left my parents' home.
Did I think that World Harvest Church was more entertaining? No.
Did I like the music better? Not really.
What I did like was the clear-cut understanding of what they believed. There was no question. And if there was, I went to the Bible and got the answer.  Actually, that's what led me back, in a way.

My friend (who would later become my husband) asked me what I was looking for. I answered him simply: The Truth. He then asked what questions I had. He had answers for everything. He had bible verses. He spoke with authority on Papal Authority and the Real Presence. When I finally went to Mass again, I realized that I had been missing the Eucharist all along. They may have been speaking in the Spirit at World Harvest, but Jesus was here (really here) at Mass. It was not just a symbol.

You Get What You Look For

Over the next 20 years I would learn so much more about my faith. I learned in dribs and drabs through really excellent homilies, through counsel in the Sacrament of Penance, through learning to pray the scriptures  in the Liturgy of the Hours and at Mass, and through the music I sang at Mass. I asked questions. I got answers. I sought it out and I found it.  The sacraments provided the key to my encounters with Jesus and Liturgy and scripture provided the answers I was seeking.

Things are so much easier now, in a sense, because you can find solid Catholic teaching online, in magazines and in excellent books. But, in a sense, the internet, with its instant information can still be a quagmire of half-truths and shading.  Always verify facts with another tool we didn't have 25 years ago: The Catechism of The Catholic Church. You can even get applications for your phone and iPad that put it at your fingertips.  There's just no excuse not to know, unless you simply don't want to know.

If you were raised in a Catholic home, are your family members all still Catholic? What events among your friends and family seem to explain why some are Catholic, and others are not?

Two Words: "It's Hard."

My husband and I believed strongly, and still do, that the key to raising Catholic children who stay Catholic is good catechesis at home, school and church. Of my two children, one practices the Faith. My son is on a search. The difference is that he knows what he's missing and he aches to find it again. Only he wants it to be easy and he will tell you that himself.

It is not easy to be a Catholic. And that is the main reason I find that most Catholics leave their faith. It's not easy to conform to the will of God. As I said last week, Obedience is the dirtiest word in the American lexicon.

Two More Words: "Bad Catechesis"

Of my four brothers and sisters, two are Catholic.  That's a pretty good track record, actually. 3 out of 5 stayed Catholic. When I asked my mother what she thought happened with the bottom two, these are the things she listed: bad catechism, we didn't take them to Mass as little kids and we didn't insist that they go as teenagers but let them explore other houses of worship.

When they became teens and adults they found reasons to take issue with the Church's teaching on birth control, homosexuality, marriage and re-marriage.  And, if you ask them what the Church teaches, they will tell you what they think the Church teaches, but it doesn't match up with the Catechism of the Catholic Church. To paraphrase Venerable Fulton Sheen: Many people leave the Catholic Church for what they think it is, but very few leave it for what it actually is.

Which points, again, to our biggest failing: the lack of catechesis. If parents are encouraged to bring their kids to Mass and use Mass as an opportunity for teaching them about what's happening, they will be more engaged. This, of course, assumes that the parents know what's going on. Many do not. So, catechesis is not just for the kids. Adults need it, too. If you don't have the knowledge (or at least where to find the answers), when the kids come with their questions, you won't know and they will search elsewhere.

By Their Fruits You Shall Know Them...

I have to, at this point, give props to both the parish I raised my children in (St. Patrick Church, Columbus) and the parish where I currently work (St. Stephen the Martyr Church, Columbus).

At St. Patrick, 19 children of the parish have answered the call to the priesthood or religious life. At St. Stephen the Martyr we have had 5 vocations to the priesthood and religious life in the last 6 years out of our Latino community.   Though they attack the problems in different ways, by their fruits you shall know them: These are parishes doing it right.

The fruits of these parishes come from a commitment to evangelization and catechesis for both children and adults, and the excellent examples of priests and religious they see at these parishes. Beautiful liturgy, homilies filled with content, opportunities for continuing religious education and religious education programs that encompasses the High School levels are the manifestations of this commitment.

Lawn Chair Catechism at CatholicMom.com

Today is the start of the Lawn Chair Catechism series over at CatholicMom.com and we have been invited to participate by leaving comments and posting responses on our blogs. But, I am late, as usual, in getting started. If you'd like to participate, feel free to click on the link above to get more details about the retreat.

So here we go, late or not.

• How would you describe your lived relationship with God to this point in your life?

God and I are not "buddies". Not really. I never thought of him that way at all. In fact, until last Christmas, I never considered my relationship with God really at all.

As a kid, I went to Mass every Sunday. My folks did their very best to give us a good Catholic home and Catholic education.  There were prayer groups, May Crownings, Jesse Trees, Advent Wreaths - every experience that could have brought me closer to a relationship with God. But I considered it all academic. Fill out this paper. Memorize these prayers. Get the grade.

As a Catholic School kid, I heard lots of goofy stuff about what the Church believed and what it didn't. As a High School student gems such as "The Virgin Birth Was Not" and "Who Does the Pope Think He Is?" came up.  Not from the students. From the teachers.

Relativism (there is no absolute truth) and Determinism (I can be whatever I want to be and God will accept and love me) became the meat of what I was taught to believe in high school. So, if it doesn't matter what people believe, and I can be whatever I want to be and God will still love me, then why does any of it matter at all?

Since I was pretty certain, then, that the Catholic Church didn't know what it believed or taught, I left the Church at 18, became an Evangelical Protestant for a while. The lack of the Sacrament of the Eucharist brought me back, but, even then, I didn't consider it part of my relationship with God. It was more of a practical thing: All these people, from every walk of life, with every different experience, believe in the Real Presence. There must be something here. What is it? Well, obviously, it's the real experience of actual contact with the Risen Lord in the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity contained in the Eucharist. But I didn't understand that until recently.

So I am still learning about God and his plans for me, who we are to each other and what that means in terms of what I do and how I present myself to the world around me. I had been looking for him all my life. How could I have missed him? But I did. Isn't that always the way with the greatest loves?

• What does the word “discipleship” mean to you?  Do you perceive a need in the Church today to help lay Catholics become more fervent followers of Jesus Christ?

To me discipleship means to discipline ourselves to the way of Christ. After all, the word discipline and disciple have the same root word. But, so many times people think of discipline as a punishment. I certainly used to. But really it is a surrender of my will to God's will. Just like the Latin word for rule ("regula") gives us the term "regulate", which means not only to make and enforce rules, but also to even things out or to create balance. To submit to the "rules" or discipline of God, is to allow God to balance your life.

I had a friend one time who said that "obedience" is the dirtiest word in the American lexicon. The older I get, the more I see that it's the truth. We will not bend out wants and desires to what God wants. We want God on our terms. We want him to bend to our desires. That's why the debate over gay marriage is such a hot-button debate, even among Catholics. We will not become disciples because we won't accept the discipline.

• How would you describe your parish’s current efforts at discipleship?  A hotbed of discipleship?  A weekly gathering of spiritual sleep-walkers?  Or perhaps something in between?

I'm not sure I'm comfortable answering this question because it asks you to judge another's soul. Not everyone is on the same path or responds to the same methods. A better question might be:

Do I believe that I am being led to discipleship in my Parish? If not, am I holding myself back?

I believe that I am being led to discipleship. Opportunities to connect with God on a personal level through the sacraments and prayer are ample in my parish and I do my best to take advantage of them whenever I can.  I hold myself back from discipleship and from calling others to discipleship when I dodge those opportunities and slack off on my prayer life.