Sometimes I have a day that is really overwhelming to me. I could just sit and cry for hours on end. I sometimes think, "I can't do this. Really, God, I can't."
I had a day like that yesterday.
It doesn't happen often, but some days, problems overwhelm the hope that I should have in my heart and I feel abandoned and very inadequate as a Mom, (or spouse, or employee, or musician, or whatever role is plaguing me at the time).
So, I went to Mass today and Father talked about the Kings who appear in the Gospel today: The Magi and King Herod. The Magi were seeking to honor the new "King of the Jews". In fact, when they did finally enter into the presence of Jesus, Father pointed out, "they prostrated themselves. Which means they put their faces in the dirt, as if to say, we are nothing and You are Everything."
King Herod on the other hand, had become so turned in on himself that he could not truly say to Jesus, "You are Everything", for Herod believed, (and in order to keep his position, he HAD to) that Herod was everything.
This hit me squarely between the eyes. (I find that happening a lot, recently, actually...) I have become very attuned to what I need and how I feel. It's partially out of feeding my artistic endeavors. One has to be attuned to the inner workings of one's heart to bring them out to share. But, I had lost sight of everyone around me. And most importantly, I had lost sight of God's presence in my life.
I realized for the first time in a long time that God really is bigger than anything I have facing me. Nothing I could possibly face is impossible for God to handle. No situation I can paint myself into is bigger than God's mercy. No stumbling block is too big to overcome with His help. I just have to recognize that God is Everything and I am nothing without Him. I had another pastor, years ago, who explained (after years of me not understanding the concept) that this is what is meant by being "poor in spirit".
If Jesus can come to earth as a child and grow to adulthood, allow himself to be crucified and then rise from the dead, I think he can handle the little bumps in the road of my little life. And, sometimes, those bumps are there for a reason, like speed bumps, to slow us down a little bit and make us think about what we are doing. There are no accidents in God's plan. Everything happens for a reason.
There is a wonderful series of children's videos that we used to watch when the kids were little called VeggieTales. One of them was called "Where's God When I'm Scared". In the story, the characters sing a song called "God is Bigger than the Bogeyman".
Know what? Junior Asparagus was right.