#SmallSuccess: Beating Stress at Its Own Game

Stress can cripple me.

I simply hide in my bed (or in a book or a project) and let the day just roll out as it will. But the fact of the matter is that hiding from stress rarely solves any problems, but rather, creates many more down the road.

But stress can help me, too. It can motivate me to get things done and sometimes it warns me that my priorities are out of sync.

This week I experienced grace under pressure with a few situations I faced down. And the unifying factor was prayer. When I place the stress in Jesus' lap, somehow it all works out.

Stress can be a very bad thing, but properly handled it can be a motivator. It's that "properly handled" thing that always gets me, though. So this week, my Small Successes have to do with facing problems squarely and handling them as best I can. Here's what I learned:

1) I went to confession.

Yes, this was stressful. No, it should not have been. I had gotten away from saying my prayers first thing in the morning and going to a daily mass at some point during the week. And, I had given up going to Adoration, too. When I'm not putting God first, I sure do feel it. And so does everyone else around me!

That was my first lesson for the week: Handle Stress With Prayer.

2) I signed my contract for the Dublin Irish Festival, reviewed the program for the Mass in Irish and even made a phone call and talked to an actual person.

These are all huge steps for me. Interpersonal interaction scares me. What if someone doesn't like me? What if I do something wrong? So, I put off little tasks like phone calls and emails because I might not do it perfectly. I know: Silly.

My perfectionism is a rejection of God's control in my life. It's me saying, "I've got this, Lord." And when I do that, I dismiss the grace that God has to give me to help me. The perfection game, is related to the stress game in my experience. When I put too much importance on small things, they become big things. Like links in the chains that bind me, the little things can keep me from going places just as surely as the shackles of the big things.

That was my second lesson for the week: Don't Pile Up The Small Stuff.

3) I handled a family problem that needed to be addressed and didn't lose my cool.

Anger is my biggest weakness. Circumventing it is not my strong suit. So, when a family situation arose and I had to defend someone I love, I was pretty happy that I was clear headed enough to think critically, act decisively and wisely, and to do it all without raising my voice. If I can remain in control of my emotions, then people who try to bully me have no power. It's when I lose my temper that they gain the upper hand. But it's important to remember that I can't do it alone. I can only do it through prayer.

That was my third lesson: Don't Let Bullies Dictate How You Behave.

All three of these lessons can help beat stress. If I'm reacting instead of being proactive, then I am more likely to feel out of control and stressed out. And, if I have no choice but to react, prayer works wonders.

Okay, your turn! Share 'em if ya got 'em!

#SmallSuccess: Cleaning it up

As I am approaching the end of another choir season, the end of a semester and the beginning of a major project, I have been cleaning things up a bit. I've been sorting through things, tossing out old stuff and managing the chaos that I call a life.

It isn't so much that I am a messy person, or particularly disorganized, either. I'm just busy. So when I come in from school at the end of the day, I throw down what I don't need and grab what I do need and I'm back out the door again. But every now and then, I lose things in the mess and I have to clean up.

The same thing happens with my interior life. One of the things I am cleaning up is my prayer life.

Apart from the fact that this was a wretched Lent for me, I have also let my prayer life fall apart. I used to say the Divine Office everyday. Now, I'm doing well to get the Morning Offering and a gasped "Hail Mary" out in the morning. What's happening?

Well, I had taken all my Catholic Apps off my phone to make room for an upgrade. Turns out, I need that reminder. So, back on they go.

I had also lost myself in the quagmire that is academia. You know, when you commit yourself to a goal and you move toward it without wavering and you will get somewhere. It may not be the place that you were expecting to be, though, and that's where I was headed.

This past week I had to ask myself some tough questions about where my life is now, and where I want it to be at the end of next year's classes when I graduate.

In truth, I have been asking myself these questions for about two months, now, but I haven't really been spending much time relying on God for direction. So, I made a re-commitment to prayer. Instead of asking, "Where am I really headed?" "Are these the best decisions for my family and for me?" and "Is this really what I want to spend the rest of my life doing?" the questions had to change.

This isn't about me. It's about the will of God for my life. So the new questions are for God, not me: "Where do you want me to go?" "What is your will for my family and for me?" and "Is this what you want me to do for the rest of my life?"

The results surprised me but I have a sense of clarity about my direction that I didn't have before. And it looks like a much better track than it was before. I'll share much more about this later after the final pieces are in place.

So here are my small successes this week:

1) I have been walking at least a mile 3 times a week. Last night we bumped it up to two miles.
2) I completed my final paper for my British Literature class. I took a big risk with the construction, but I think it's a good paper.
3) I spent some quality time in prayer re-evaluating my goals and priorities.
4) I was selected to present a paper at the University's Student Research Symposium. I will be presenting an analysis of "Possession" by A.S. Byatt. It's a great book and I highly recommend it for adults who love literature. But be ready to read between the lines.
5) I have a domain name. I have a website built. Now I just have to get the two put together and then you will be able to see it.

What are your small successes? Feel free to share them in the combox, or head over to CatholicMom.com to share a link to your blog over there.

Short, Sweet, and Still a Prayer

I recently read a post over at The Radical Life (one of my new favorite blogs) challenging me to think about what my "idle" is. It's a very thought provoking post and made me really stop to examine what I'm doing with my idle time.

I think my most common default looks something like this:



Into this mess that I call a life, I have been trying to insert some meaningful prayer time. And kind of failing in many ways.

Recently, however, I found a few apps that are so simple, short and sweet that everyone has time for them. Why is this important?

I really love to pray the Liturgy of the Hours (I use iBreviary on my Android tablet and my iPhone). The problem is, except for the weekends, I often don't have time to pray them. So my confessor encouraged me to start small. Like micro-small.

It's like texting God. That way you're keeping the conversation going, and not racking up guilt-points. And I find that, as Warner suggests, when I build even a little bit of time in for prayer, it tends to expand, rather than shrink. As I work on this, I find that my idle, begins to not be email, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, but a little one-on-one with God.

Here are a couple of mini-reviews with links to more detailed ones at CatholicMom.com:

All of these are iOS unless otherwise indicated.

"Honor Your Inner Monk" - St. Meinrad Archabbey - Free (iOS and Android)

What can I say? This app amuses me. It engages me and I use it. The iOS version is more amusing than the Android version. It's great for students who don't have time for prayer built into their days because it can be done in a minute or less.

Things I like best:

• Short prayers that function as action points. You'll be thinking about them all day.
• The monks' chorus calling you to prayer and singing "Amen" when you finish.
• A puff of incense smoke to kick off prayers.
• At the end of each month, they give you feedback for how your prayer life has been. Last month, I got the "Sad Trombone" and an opinion that "You can do better than that." 

And this month, I have. I need that sort of accountability.
See more here.

"Short Prayers App" - Valent Richie - $1.99

This app is great for short prayers for all reasons and seasons. It's got them all: The four basics (Creed, Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be), along with many, many other favorites. Some are in English and Latin.

Things I like best:

• A wide variety of prayers
• Alarms that can be set for times or places. If you set it up, it will prompt you to pray when you reach a destination or get ready to leave.
• Shake for a random prayer

There are a couple of gems in this app. I especially like Aquinas'  "Prayer before Studying or Reading" and Ignatius of Loyola's "Prayer against Depression".
Read more here.

"The Mary App" - Marian Fathers of the Immaculate Conception - Free 

This app was originally designed to accompany Fr. Michael Gaitley's "33 Days to Morning Glory" Consecration Program, but it works just fine as a standalone app.

Things I like best:

• Visually, very nice to look at
• The Rosary, chaplets and other prayers (this app has a ton of content)
• A really great set of catechesis on what the Catholic church teaches about who she is, including a nice FAQ section for quick answers to common questions.

This is a more comprehensive app and the prayers are a bit longer, but it's is one of my long-term go-to apps.

Read more here.

"Via Crucis" - Valent Richie - $1.99

These are based on the Meditations of St. Francis of Assisi's Way of the Cross. This app is nice because because you can go away and come back, which makes it easy to use over the course of a busy day. It will keep a push notification on the icon so that you remember that you haven't finished up, yet. This is a great one for Lent.

Things I like best:

• The artwork is lovely
• You can start, go away and come back later
• The devotions are lovely (if a smidge long)

This app hasn't been reviewed yet. when it goes up, I'll include the link. 

For now, you can find the app here.

#FiveFavorites - Five Things for Advent

Advent is almost here and until I was sidelined today by a sinus and ear infection, I hadn't put much thought into what I was going to do to keep the season (other than write a huge series on music for Advent and Christmas - more later). So, today, I hopped on Pinterest and found some things that got me thinking about preparation. Not just of the home, but of the heart, too.

1.  The Advent Wreath

Last year, I had to improvise my Advent wreath. This year, is no different. My Christmas and Advent decorations are still locked in a storage shed in a neighboring county. And although I could go get them, I'd be hard-pressed to find them. So, again - I am improvising.

But, this year, I have the power of Pinterest so I found lots of cool ideas for making my Advent wreath even more cool. Here's the front runner, so far:

Created with moss wrapped around a lampshade skeleton with a wire wreath anchored to the top, this is by far the glitzy-est Advent wreath I've ever seen. It'd be really nifty to use with the Jesse Tree Tradition....

2. A Jesse Tree

When I was a kid, we did the Jesse Tree. Each day of the month of December, leading up to Christmas Day has an Old testament story and a symbol connected with it. These stories trace the lineage and "types" of Jesus. There are books that you can get to help you design your meditations. The little chart above is one that I found on Pinterest and, although it doesn;t give all the bible verses and stories of each character, you get a pretty good idea of what the plan is.

I always thought it was a cool way to trace Salvation History and the Messianic prophecies through the Jewish people to Jesus. It gave me a sense of the connectedness of God's promises to us that He would save us from our sins. Sadly, it is not a tradition that I carried on with my own children. But the Advent Wreath above gave me some ideas about combining the two observances.

3. The Advent Family Activity Calendar 

The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops has put out a resource calendar for families who want to give back to the community and deepen their faith during the Advent season. This calendar includes an activity for each day of Advent and a companion calendar takes you through the Christmas Season.  With reflections on the scripture as well as suggestions for works of mercy on each, you can get your family fully involved in making room for Jesus. 

You can find both calendars here.

4. Do Some Extra Devotional Prayer

Seriously, there are SO many good Advent books out, but I'll suggest the two that my friends at CatholicMom.com are giving away this week: Lisa Hendey's "O Radiant Dawn" and Sarah Reinhard's "Welcome, Baby Jesus".  

These ladies are wonderful writers and have crafted family-friendly, easy to use resources to help you and your family spend just a few minutes in prayer together through this busy month.  

Click here to go to CatholicMom.com to enter!

I also highly recommend the Magnificat Advent Companion. You can get it in print, on your Kindle or as an app in the iTunes Store. I reviewed the app last year, and plan to buy it again this year. It's easy to use and handy to carry around on your phone or device.

5. Learn Some New Songs

Fr. Dwight Longenecker had a "mega-post" today titled "10 Reasons Why Catholics Should Sing Good Hymns". Fr. Longenecker walks through 10 reasons (as the title suggests) why hymns are crucial to the spiritual life. And not just any hymns, but good ones. He not only explains what constitutes a good hymn, but offers suggestions and provides videos of good examples.

And over at The Beautiful Music Challenge last week I rolled out "10 Hymns You Should Know: Advent and Christmas Hymns." Over the next five weeks we'll be exploring ten hymns and carols for Advent and Christmas: where they came from, what they mean and how to sing them. At the end of Advent, you be all set to sing carols at Mass or at home for all of the 12 Days of Christmas. If you would like to join the fun, you can link up here. But, honestly, we need a better example of "O Come, Divine Messiah". If you have one (that I am legally allowed to use!) send it on over!

Below is a version of "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" in Latin by Hungarian composer Zoltan Kodaly. This is one of my favorite pieces for Advent, but sadly, it's been so long since I've gotten to sing it that I have forgotten many of the tricky parts that make it awesome. I sight read it a few weeks ago and it was a very humbling experience.  Take a listen.

Finding Direction

There are times in my life when I feel very keenly that the world is unraveling quickly. I don't know if this is a function of my struggles with mental illness or if it's a real sense that time is moving past more swiftly as I age. 

As things move along, I find myself stumbling into walls of frustration and down hallways of worry. And, in my worry, I begin to go in many different directions at once. Then, suddenly, everything becomes scattered and disorganized.

Me: Are we going in the right direction?
Myself: I can't tell. Let's try another path.
Me: Is this the right way?
Myself: Maybe, but this one looks good, too.
I: Well, we can't go all three ways at once! Pick one!

It's at these moments that I find myself searching out the solace of the Mass and quiet time with the Blessed Sacrament.

Spending time alone and quiet in adoration or at least at a prayerful mass is essential to my health, both as a person, and as a Catholic. It's in those silences that I can hear the "Holy GPS Voice" telling me where the next turn should be.

There is a lovely hymn, the text of which is by Bl. John Henry Newman, that reminds me to be patient and to trust God when I can't see where I'm going.

Lead, Kindly Light, amidst th'encircling gloom,

Lead Thou me on!

The night is dark, and I am far from home,

Lead Thou me on!

Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see

The distant scene; one step enough for me.

But, in order to see the next step, I have to keep my eyes fixed on God. He is the lamp that lights the way. Sometimes I need a reminder that no matter what "noise" is going on in my life, if I keep my attention on the Blessed Sacrament, I will find my way. God will not let me fall unless I pull my hand from His like a runaway toddler.

Focus - Pray - Trust

It seems so simple, but it is so hard to do.

The pilgrimage begins now.

I have made a crazy decision. I am going on pilgrimage in Fall of 2013 (I previously posted 2014). Not just anywhere, mind you. No, I live big. I am going to walk the Camino de Santiago in Spain. The invitation just sort of popped up.

I thought about it. I dismissed it. The invitation persisted. I thought some more and then I decided to pray about it. (Why is prayer always the last thing I think of?)

So, I said a St. Therese novena and asked for a rose if I should go. Beginning on the ninth day I started to see roses in rather unexpected places. All of them were a bright pink. One of them was actually blooming in full shade.

I ignored signs and thought, "No, that's just a coincidence. Novenas are not magic tricks, after all." I finally told my husband that I had been praying about this and that I had been seeing pink roses everywhere. "You don't think that's an answer, do you?" I asked him. Yes, those roses are for me. (Thanks, St. Therese.) So, why is this crazy?

1. I am in terrible physical shape.
2. I have no money.
3. My Spanish is um....well, I can find the bathroom, order food, go to Mass and describe my family.

Yep. I am nuts. But you know who else was nuts? The apostles. Can you imagine? I can just hear it: "You've left your home, your family, your friends, you quit your job, and for what? To follow some guy? What are you thinking?" Their co-workers and families must've thought they'd lost it. And they had. They gave up their lives so that they could inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.

Now, I am not saying that I am on a par with the apostles and that their evangelization of the world is equivalent to my going on pilgrimage. I am saying that God asks us to do things for Him that we think are crazy, but if we keep walking on and trust in His divine providence, it all works out.

I don't know why I am being called to go on this journey, but there must be a reason. Maybe it has nothing to do with me. I do know that all long journeys begin with the first step. There will be a lot of steps to this journey before my feet ever touch Spanish soil. The first step is beginning to walk (so I don't die somewhere in northern Spain) and really pray, as if my life depended on it, because it does. Apart from God, I can do nothing.

Epiphany and epiphanies

Every year we go to a party at one of my friend's houses for The Feast of the Epiphany (the 12th and last day of Christmas). She is a musician, like I am, and her husband is an artist. Though I only see him a couple of times a year, this particular gentleman is a man that I respect, not only as an artist, but as a person. He's unbelievably intelligent and insightful. He is charitable and prayerful, but in a quiet way. When I speak to him I get the sense that he is drawing from the springs of the greatest silences in the world. A place where things that have been unspoken dwell waiting to be given words to express what they are. He seems to have the gift to see right into your soul and say to you exactly what needs to be said at exactly the right moment. You find that you must listen carefully and completely to get the full impact of what he has to say because it is as rich as a really good cheesecake: you want to savor every morsel of it and get every crumb of meaning out of what he says.

Several years ago, I had quit singing. There were many reasons for the decision, some valid, some not so valid; some my own reasons and some were reasons that were foisted on me. My soul was just withering up and I was becoming a very bitter, angry and sad person.

I was at this Epiphany party and our host made the point to seek me out and talk to me. He told me that the music was as much a part of who I am as my body was. He told me that my particular gift was the ability to sing from"inside the song". He told me, "It's a gift that not all singers possess. There is something that moves me every time you sing at church. It moves me like no other singer."

As he spoke to me, I began to cry. I couldn't stop myself. I just stood there holding my wine glass and my plate of desserts with silent tears streaming down my face. My husband came to try to "rescue me", but I didn't really want to be rescued. I wanted to be told the truth. Not singing was eating away at me. I was dying inside.

My friend never broke eye contact with me, "I know this might be painful for you, but I really feel like I need to say this to you. I couldn't let you leave without telling you: You need to sing. You have to find a way to sing."

I nodded. I don't think I could even speak. I knew he was right. I did take his advice and found a way to sing. It truly has made all the difference. I couldn't pray without my music. Sure, there are times when it's nice to just go to Mass and not be "on". But, week after week, the music is where I find my prayer. It's where I find encouragement, a kick in the rear and comfort. With out it, I am diminished.

This year, I was chatting with him about this blog and about how I haven't posted much on this blog in the past year. He kind of smiled and said, "You know, I find that I have to wait a few years for things to become a story. If I try to write about things that are going on right now, they become to big and overwhelming to me. They have no perspective. It's better to let them sit for a while until they can be encapsulated into an 'episode' and then they can be dealt with as a story."

And, you know, again, he's so right. This past year was overwhelming. Between the four people in our family we had 10 hospitalizations, a car accident, a death in the family and all the attendant drama of being a modern family with special needs children. How on earth could I hope to give some perspective to that mess while I am still going through it?

I don't think it is an accident that both of these revelations happened on The Feast of the Epiphany. God puts people in your life at the most unexpected times and places. He provides guidance from the most unlikely sources. I never expected to have the direction of my life changed by idle cocktail chatter. But, that's how it is sometimes. Sometimes, Epiphany is quite literal.

In the meantime, I am so grateful to have friends in my life to help me get through the rough times. For all of you who have said prayers for us, sent us cyber hugs or just thought fondly of us in this past year, I thank you. My thoughts and prayers are with you all this morning.

Hopefully, 2010 will provide some perspective so that I can start writing again. I know it's not great stuff. It's not the height of political prowess. It's not the grandeur of life-changing prose or poetry. It may not be anything important or moving or consequential that I am writing about. But, I appreciate you reading it all the same.

Just a little late

There's a song that I have heard a lot lately called, "You Found Me" by The Fray.

The first verse deals with finding God at the a most unlikely place, all alone and smoking His last cigarette. The singer then asks God "Where you been?" and God replies, "Ask anything." The rest of the song is a broken-hearted diatribe about losing a loved one and why God seemingly abandoned the singer. In the refrain, the singer sings,

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

And actually I think that why I like this song so much and why it stays with me. There are times when I truly feel like God is just gone from my life and I feel "lost and insecure" and I feel as if I will never be happy again. But God always finds me, even if I think it's "just a little late", it really is all in God's good time. So, even though the song communicates that the singer is angry at God, it always reminds me, that no matter how far I have placed myself from His Presence, it may be late in the game, but God always finds me and rescues me.

Hope

A Hope-Filled Prayer

O sweetest Lord Jesus Christ, may my soul ever yearn towards Thee:
May my soul seek Thee, find Thee,
tend towards attainment of Thee,
ever meditate on Thee,
and do all things to the praise and glory of Thy Holy Name.

Do Thou alone be my hope,
my whole trust,
my delight,
my joy,
my rest,
my peace and my sweet contentment.

Do Thou alone be my refuge and my help,
my wisdom and my possession,
my treasure in whom my heart and
my soul remain fixed immovably, forever.
Amen.

-St. Bonaventure

My Mom gave me this prayer for the end of our choir practice last night. I thought it was beautiful. I think it's going to be a regular prayer for us.

Light

It is amazing to me how much a little change in light can affect my whole day.

I first noticed the change in light this morning while waiting for my bus downtown. It was the first time since December that it was light enough to see without the street lights at 7:30 am. As the sky continued to lighten, I realized that it really was not as coldas it has been. I was very grateful. I got to leave my long underwear and boots at home for the first time in two weeks (we've had single digit and sub-zero temps for about a week now) knowing that the temperatures would be in the 40's today.

As the morning progressed, I noticed that my office window was streaming in light over my shoulder and it was a warm, pervasive light. Simply put, it gave joy to my heart.

When I was a young girl, my grandmother came from Arizona to live with us a couple of times. She never made it much past the dreary days of February. She missed the turquoise skies and the bright sunshine of the desert that she called home. She called it "her desert". But, one has to wonder if she would have appreciated it as much if she had not had to come live in gray, dreary Central Ohio in the wintertime. Nothing makes you appreciate something like losing it.

All of the psalms that I read this morning for Morning Prayer were about repentance and the return of Christ's light to our hearts. As I sat in the chapel, admiring the Hibiscus in the warm morning sunlight, I thought about how the soul is affected by light, not just Christ's, but also the sunlight. With the sunlight and the Light of Christ, we flourish and blossom. Lacking either, we wither away.

I am (of course) reminded of a song:

Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee,
God of Glory, Lord of Love.
Hearts unfold like flowers before thee,
Opening to the sun above.
Melt the clouds of sin and sadness.
Drive the dark of doubt away.
Giver of Immortal Gladness,
Fill us with the light of day.

(Henry Van Dyke, 1907)

Photo by Ann-Kathrin Koch from 10Things